Well so much for my “bi-monthly updates”. Bi-annual seems more apt. So to offer up a few lame-o excuses for abandoning the blog recently:
1. I am charged with the care of two hyperactive small people under the age of 7
2. It was the summer holidays so no respite from aforementioned small people
3. We took a full two-week family vacation (the first in about two years)
4. I have freelance work commitments
5. Once you leave a blog for a few weeks and the spam mounts up your inbox, and all the photos you’ve taken need sorting and uploading, and you have all of the above to distract you, it takes more discipline and inspiration than I am capable of, to muster the energy at 11pm to do anything constructive to remedy the situation.
Now as regular readers may know, I have known the blessing of 24/7 on tap domestic help while living in Asia (well not quite 24/7, that would make me a pretty brutal employer) but since moving here, well I suppose you could say it’s been something of a reality check. I’ve certainly seen the best (and worst) of both ‘worlds’ – that of living with ‘help’ and without. In the distant past I have also worked shitty jobs with long, long hours and crappy pay waiting on rude people who are not particularly appreciative of my efforts (so pretty good training for being a SAHM minus the ‘help’ option). Somewhere along the way, I worked out what works for me and, working somehow (not too hard mind), was part of that equation. Mostly because I needed a bit of a creative outlet, but also because I just wanted to do something other than wear my Mum hat. All fairly normal stuff. Except as an expat wanting to ease oneself gently in the work saddle again, yet not wanting to go office based, and particularly not wanting to work full time, it can get a little complicated.
My story will be familiar to many expat partners who move abroad as a trailing spouse (this applies to the guys as well as the gals). If you’ve got out of the loop, job-wise, for even a couple of years (try eight in my case), and particularly if you’re in a foreign environment where your mother tongue is about as useful as a chocolate teapot, it’s going to be tricksy to slip back into a nice, rewarding position that allows you the flexibility for parenting. It just aint happening, particularly in a country where people on the checkouts in local supermarkets speak a minimum of 2 or 3 languages as a norm. No-one is rushing to employ the likes of me, with a degree in fashion journalism and a string of fairly rubbish administrative-based jobs in media, music and fashion. (Actually come to think of it, no-one was ever rushing to employ me before children either, but that’s something of a moot point). So if I was going to become engaged work-wise in any meaningful way, on the kind of terms that worked for me, I was going to have to engineer things in my own favour. So, essentially, I have bust a gut over the last 9 months juggling kids, housework and all that so that I can rebuild a fledgling, part-time career for myself as an online content writer that is flexible enough to do from home and challenges my gray matter. For many, you see, it’s about reducing the workload to create much needed harmony, but for many parents such as myself, it is about injecting a little more of a cerebral-based workload into the mix in order to achieve the desired balance.
Because of this, I also now have a reasonable grasp of what it’s like managing a self-directed work schedule from a home environment, while concurrently wearing my ‘parent’ hat and having young children around the entire time. Basically, it’s really, really difficult, but not impossible, though I’m not sure I’ve done any of it very well. In my case, this has involved lots of late nights and piecemeal stabs at work in the day when I’m not distracted or taken up with the house or kids. This was all my choice of course. I wanted to do this, and I knew, come September, Oscar would start school part-time, and things would become more manageable.
I think what makes the ‘homeworking’ situation trickier is if your work is something that has kind of grown organically out of a hobby, as in my case. It’s quite difficult to transition, not least your own thinking, but that of your family and others, to the idea that the ‘hobby thing’ has now become a bona fide job (although hubby has been great in my case). It sort of feels like it would be much easier to be able to walk out the door each day at a set time, and perhaps if the kids were handed over to a child minder (or relative), or dropped at creche, and there was more of a physical separation. But of course, I’m aware that option is fraught with its own difficulties too.
It has certainly got me thinking a lot about what it’s like for other parents and homeworkers in a similar situation right across the globe, or even for those who simply want to work from home, but aren’t sure how to go about doing it. I also think for many, after being ‘boss’ in the home, it’s really hard to consider going back into an environment where you have to tow the line again in an office based environment, where the 8:30-6 ’jacket on the chair’ mentality prevails and there is little flexibility for people who are motivated to work short, but highly productive, hours.
Telecommuting is gaining in popularity, but it’s still the exception rather than the norm in many industries – and for many these kind of roles might not suit. When I think of all the incredibly talented and smart people I know that are stay at home parents, who then wish to return to work when the time is right, I recognize a lot of collective frustration at the culture of ‘gotta be in to win it’, where you are sidelined if you have neither the stomach, or because of your children -the option -to play by the rules of the modern workplace. I’ve known high flying lawyers, bankers and creative types who lament the fact they could potentially walk into a role tomorrow, but one that would have them leaving the house at 8 and returning at 7. For some, that’s great and they’re skipping back in a heartbeat, but for many, it’s a horrible choice to have to make if it’s not conducive to your family’s needs. It can make for a lot of guilt, frustration and internal conflicts, but I suppose the positive is that it forces people to get creative and find ways to circumvent this, often in ways that prove to be far more fulfilling and lucrative. (I’m working on that).
My point is definitely not to complain or say any one way is better, more as a way of giving a really long-winded excuse for being a slacker, blog-wise, and in the hope you can now appreciate how marvelous it is to finally be able to work alone, in silence, and in daylight for just a few hours a day while both kids are at school (and I’ll do another post on all that stuff next). But mostly I’m just pretty grateful that, as a ‘trailing spouse’ and mother, I now have the option to wear more than one ‘hat’, and on my terms, without having to compromise something in the process. Maybe that’s what they call a happy work/life balance? Whatever, it’s taken a while (probably my entire post-university life) and a bit of hard work, but I think I’ve finally cracked it.
I’ll leave you with some completely unrelated photos, of our holiday in France. We spent a week in the Loire Valley, driving the kids to distraction visiting various Chateaux and pretty towns such as Blois and Amboise. We stayed in what I’d call a ‘posh chalet’ on a really nice campsite which, of course, was full of Brits and stuff for the kids to do, but that was kind of the point. I admit I was a bit apprehensive about what to expect but it was very chilled and the kids had a great time, which meant we did. Admittedly it was a ‘five star’ campsite; Le Chateau de Marais, near Chambord, which was really well run and had plenty of facilities, so we had something of a soft landing. I’d definitely recommend it as a great base for exploring the region and the chalet was fab – way groovier than any caravan I’ve ever seen. We then drove down to the gorgeous Aude region in the Languedoc, near Carcassonne, and by contrast, stayed in a lovely gite situated in the middle of nowhere in the hills around Limoux, surrounded by vineyards. Bliss.
I hope your summer was enjoyable, I know I’ve said it before, but I really do promise to write more frequently, now I really must crack on with all the spam in my inbox….
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