This post has be highly requested by my friends, both online and offline.
To start off with, let’s rewind to January last year…
2013 was probably one of the worst years of my life. Although I always try to remain optimistic, the year became all too much for me.
I started a job that I loved, I had just moved out into my own home in one of my favorite places in the Eastern Suburbs and I was also in love. (Or what I thought was love.)
I thought I had it all, but by the end of March, things crumbled. Life as I knew it began to fall apart before my eyes and even though I could see that it was inevitable, I was in denial that it was ending.
My then-boyfriend left to live overseas and at that moment I felt like I had nothing left. Although I was genuinely happy for him, I couldn’t help but feel like my life was over. After knowing each other for a decade, I thought to myself, Who would love me after this? All of my friends my age were married and on their third child by now.
It was only shortly after he left the country I discovered he was cheating on me with the girl he is now dating. I felt immensely hurt and betrayed but I felt like I really dodged a bullet. I didn’t have to deal with his cheating, his poor effort and ever have to hear him say, “OK” when I said I loved him. I began to see what an ugly soul he really had for the first time.
Immediately stopped holding on to the memories we shared: the day we met, our first date, the time he came to visit Melbourne and sent me flowers after I got out of hospital, the dinners we made together and all the gifts I had made for him. All those so-called “happy moments” weren’t worth it after knowing he had cheated on me. Those who cheat are gutless and are never worth being with. She will now have to deal with with him when he starts cheating on her.
Shortly after my ex left, I started seeing a guy I worked with. Big mistake there. But he was never going to be anyone I’d actually consider being in a relationship with nor could I ever have feelings for. It was a circus being with him. Everything would be fine one minute, we’d go out for a drink or see a movie and then we’d hate each other the next, and all the while we had to pull a poker face at work so people didn’t catch on. I had replaced my emotionally impotent ex with someone who couldn’t hold down a relationship with a woman longer than six months.
This charade went on for eight months and by December and I was so unhappy with my life, just couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was moving at a snail’s pace and when I had made one step forward, I was to take three steps back the next day.
But one day I woke up and decided that I wasn’t going to be a victim of my own life anymore. I refused to be upset by my past and wanted to enrich my life instead. I was the driver of my life and I had a say where I steered it. No one was going to be the source of my happiness – I was. No one was going to improve my life situation and no one was going to make me feel less hurt, I controlled that. It was up to me to help myself and I always knew how to, I just forgot I had the strength to do it.
Just because my ex cheated on me and didn’t love me didn’t mean my life was over. I still had my amazing job, I still lived in a pretty little house in the Eastern Suburbs, I still had my beautiful friends and a beautiful family. I don’t know why I thought I had nothing, when by being with my ex I actually WAS nothing.
I learned how to shut out the negativity, not dwell on the past and what could have been, and pushed myself to move on. It hurt and there were many times when I wanted to give up, but the minute I stopped hating myself and my life and focused on loving it, Cupid shot his little love-arrow and delivered the most amazing man I have EVER laid eyes on. His name is Joe and he is absolutely worth the heartache, tears and sadness I endured because he has shown me what love is supposed to feel like. The boundless love and happiness I have just being next to him is indescribable.
I don’t rely on Joe to make me happy, but I am happy that I have him in my life. Ever since we met, there hasn’t been a sad day, no matter what happens in my day-to-day life. I’ve been extremely fortunate that my happiness trip is perpetual and unconditional, but I think it’s because I choose to be happy everyday.
My own piece of advice I can leave with you is…
Recognise
Find out what’s good for you and what isn’t. Banish the bad and embrace the good. If it can be fixed, then really put the hard yards into it. Pay attention to those little red flags that pop up; they’re waving around for a reason. Nothing is more rewarding to see you’ve dodged a bullet and see it be someone else’s problem. They, too, will learn.Persevere
If you feel like giving up – don’t. If you know you want out of a bad situation or relationship – don’t get sucked back in. If you know what you want – keep reaching for it. It’s all about being absolutely selfish and stubborn, which we all need to do from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with it, especially when it comes to YOUR happiness.Release
Learn to let go of things that are no good or of no use to you. They are only to tie you down. They are small obstacles to overcome you have to cross before you reach the end where the reward is. They are there to tempt you, too. It’s the Universe’s way of testing your will power.Mourn
When things end, like a relationship, take the time out to mourn. It’s OK to be sad, cry and wish that person was still around, but it’s ended for a reason. You are moving on to bigger and better things in your life. It’s always easier said then done, but there will be a time when you look back and think, “WTF was I thinking?!”Embrace
Enjoy the small victories and the little blessing that life delivers to you everyday. Whether it’s a smile from a stranger, a compliment from a friend, doing your hair perfectly or taking the first sip of your morning coffee; it’s those little things that will add to your happiness. Life is there to be enjoyed!Learn
The only way to move on with life is learn from your past experiences. They’re not “mistakes” but lessons you learn from, so you grow into a more improved person. When you finally learn that the stove is HOT when you touch it, you will never get burned again.
And of course, if you can’t do these on your own, it is perfectly OK to ask for help.
These are what helped me recover and move on with my life. If there is one thing I was so determined of, was not to give up. My happiness and well-being is important, and what I had deserved all along. I made sure I never settled for anything else than what I truly wanted and in the end, I got exactly that.
I made sure I was happy FIRST before I was able to find happiness with another person. I made sure that Joe wasn’t going to be the source of my happiness, but an addition, and it’s working out perfectly!
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