For those who know me well, you’d know that I have always had a love/hate relationship with my mother. I’m half Filipino and apparently all Filipino daughters are best friends with their mothers and absolutely can’t live without them.
I am not one of those girls and I never will be.
I love my mother and will love her til the grave, but I am definitely the exception.
When I was in my early-twenties I craved to have that idyllic mother/daughter relationship and I was so envious of all my girlfriends who had it. My mother doesn’t even know my bra-size even though I’ve told her on several occasions what it was. She insists my cup-size is smaller and my strap size is bigger.
There aren’t many baby photos of my mother and I. Most of the photos that exist are of my father and I.
I wanted to be able to call my mother up and ask her to join me for coffee in Paddington or be able to talk about work, relationships and have cups of tea together. Dare to dream. It’s just one of those things that no matter how hard you try to out a square through a round window, you just couldn’t make it fit.
It took me years to realize this and although it made me extremely upset that I would never be on the same wavelength as my own mother, let alone have anything in common I had to except that this was the way it’s going to be forever. It was never going to mature with age, or change when one of us (most likely, me) changed or even if we went to family counseling. This was the relationship I had with my mother; estranged.
But even though my relationship with my mother isn’t perfect, I have to say I really do admire her a lot. I remember when I was a little girl, my mother would cut and squeeze fresh orange juice for me. I always had a thing about watching her do things with her hands and how she did things so effortlessly and elegantly. Even now, I still love watching her cook, garden, paint, comb here hair and write – so beautiful and feminine.
My mother is a real artist at heart. She studied interior design before she fell pregnant with me and so when it came to anything home related she made everything feel safe, comforting and tranquil.
She’s grows a beautiful little garden on her fourth floor apartment and it’s always luscious, bright, colourful and even during the night, she’s makes sure it’s well-lit with tea lights so everything sparkles. Again, my mother just has a thing about her home that is just so beautiful.
I’m grateful that I have a mother who has always tried her best and although we’re not the perfect mother/daughter duo, we’re not the worst. I’m thankful for the relationship we do have.
Thank you mumma, for being mine. I love you.
Love, your biological first born
Reese x
Mum & I (aged 18 months), Centennial Park.
