Sunday, March 3, 2013 @ 5:05 AM
Good morning. This is me. We’ve been up for about an hour fooling around on FB and emails, but not much going on so far. Coffee is made and that’s a good thing YAY! After all the writing we did yesterday we’re thinking that maybe today won’t be such a big writing day, but there have been advances. Rich and us talked last night and things were progressed. I think though we have to take it back a few steps. Last night after he came home and put all that grouchy out we were definitely affected, but then knew too that some of it might come from his frustration and stress level. He’d been tired, having a hard time with a business project, and as happy as it all was he put out a lot of money in closing our house. I am going to hold true to the fact that I closed on a house too, but will concede it might have been harder for him then me. I think too that some of his old memories of a life that hadn’t gone well are invading some of his thoughts.
I really don’t know all that goes into how these experiences are affecting him, I just know that he’s being stressed and I didn’t want to add to it. My thought is that if he wanted some time to disconnect … I could leave him be. I got up from where I had been on the couch, finished my writing for the day and then posted. I took my medicine early and after that I took a shower and went in the bedroom to lie down with my Kindle. I know it is our practice to reread everything that we write. I don’t think I was in there very long when Rich came in and we just lay together and he slept and I massaged for about an hour. Christ do I love that guy. I tried to massage some of the worry lines from his face. I think he felt better after his nap, and it was then that he went back to the living room and I sat with him for a bit. He asked what was there left to talk about. I had told him previous that I’d written 30 pages that day and I had a lot of house thoughts. He asked and then we talked. At one point he thought out loud – these are your thoughts, but then we said … I am having “my” thoughts, but now talking to you so I can hear “my thoughts” and “your thoughts,” and that we might come to new conclusions between the two of us.
We tried to keep the thinking out loud thoughts together, but quietly and slowly so he wasn’t overwhelmed again. I didn’t want to be overwhelmed either. We started in the master bath and worked out toward some of the other rooms. Some ideas were accepted and others weren’t. I think his frequent point was that you can’t know until your living the situation, and my point was that you could plan so things fell in the direction you would want.
It is going to be hard to recalculate where everything sits. I think some of the points made were that I don’t like the built-in cupboards where the squeaky bottoms pull-out and in that case Rich thought he could fix it. He liked many of my ideas as to where things especially clothes would be in the bedroom. There were compromises …. Like the two feet built-in closet where I thought he could hang his current sports shirts – well he thought he could also or many even more so hang his fishing shirts. That was ok to me and we left him the 3-4 drawers under to plan for his other fish/sports needs, but we also impressed that without his other chest drawers being filled we could keep some of the closet down by folding his t-shirts (weekends and fishing with pictures or words). He hung onto the point of want to keep them hanged, but we just let go of those thoughts agreeing to disagree.
We talked also about changes in our space in that I thought the pajamas could now be folded and that I would take the fat quarters and add them back into our fabric closet. He was at that point starting to see the point of what we were trying to loosen up in the closet. We both agreed that something else could be done with the white wire “shoe rack,” but we’d had different ideas going into that … In my mind we left it that as to his idea – it could be divided in two so that it could go under things hanging in a shirt/pants height (to the right). He was saying we could add another bar on the third side, but he seemed to be getting the point too that we wanted not to have a third hanging section, but the 3 feet to be rolling in our 4-canvas bag metal frame thingy for dirty clothes. We also went over that we could take out off-season clothes and also hang those in his other closet with the coats and his excess sports officiating shirts/pants. By excess we mean out of season. I think given this, we’ll be able to make the closet systems work. I think that both closet in Rich’s room or the guest room are bigger closets AND the sewing room has no closet. But, we can make it work. Rich seems to think we don’t have that many clothes, but I think there’s clothes that really need to be sorted and culled.
We didn’t approach the subject of TV changes yet, which conclude with the need to buy a new $250 – 32” TV for the master bedroom and make a 4th TV connection in the guest room. I think not only does Rich’s Mom and Brother use TV toward bed time, as well … my sister does too. We’re not really sure when or if these three will take time to stay with us, but I’d like to be planning for it and I think it might be the same for Maury’s girls or Maury and Nikki if they were to stay over – they’d want to settle down with TV. I’d like to get something better than my Dad’s old TV, but the bottom line is that it still works and the picture is satisfactory. It was a very good TV in it’s day. BUT, because it involves money Rich would have to be more relaxed when making that kind of decision.
We did approach that our microwave was dying and it seemed here that he was slowly admitting he’d have to buy a new one. He’s tried taking apart a few things that involve the turntable, but it’s still squeeling and squeeking loudly. I’m also remembering the burnt popcorn at the retreat and at that time and then confirmed by Maury later – he said that our microwave was doing terrible in taking too much time to cook. As microwaves go … it is not really a major expense and this one has lived a good life. It was Sandy’s before she died ten years ago. It also is a small one and Rich acknowledged he would like a bigger one. Just he doesn’t want to do it before he’s ready. We’ll figure that it will be up to him to find the right microwave and hopefully TV. We don’t need a GREAT one for the bedroom just something so that he can make that adjustment TO the bedroom where it is easier to give him massages. Again, that whole series of thoughts was that my Dad’s old 38” TV isn’t going to fit on his smaller 32” chest of drawers. He just hasn’t looked that far ahead yet.
Another discussion was of wall hangings. He didn’t love the idea of me putting up the design boards over the tables horizontally in my sewing room, but that one has to be my decision. I’m thinking now that we could have pictures (snapshots) on top of AND below those boards. We had measured them to be 30” x 60” so only 30” tall and 60” wide. This is going to make a really neat couple of walls and give the pictures really nice viewing space. Maybe we’ll put the boys old pictures more on top – the 8-10 frames in my hallway now, and then more current pictures of kids and grandchildren under the design board where it is easier to view them while sitting down. I think that Rich was good in the thought though not really discussed out loud as to putting his kids (snapshots) in frames in his office/gym. And, then we are both good with putting some of the bigger 8 ½ x 11” frames of kids and grandkids on the two mantels, but then there was a bigger discussion on other walls.
I think he and I both agree that the themes in the kitchen (including fireplace wall) can be about maps. Rich would prefer a big map on either side and possibly one from the ancestry of both of us – one on either side of the fireplace. I’m agreeable to him putting anything up there because my preferred idea of getting real family pictures – large is probably going to be a very difficult thing. I am asking though for the consideration of giving him the kitchen side, for me to be able to put up on the sitting room side one of my older pictures or a grouping of my older pictures. I don’t know which again because they’ve been down so long, but one that keeps coming to mind was the first one – a real shape that Maury had drawn in the first grade. It is a beautiful picture of a duck. I could see that one in the grouping, though it have to be trimmed and framed. There’s a few I liked.
Rich didn’t immediately like the idea of smaller map pictures up on the top of the pass through wall. He was thinking plants. I was thinking ok not that special, we could go plants, but I’d want more ivy and I’m thinking he’s thinking less. I just think it could be a nice area to showcase something and I’m going to still be looking at framing 8 ½ x 11” size maps to be viewed from both directions. I think it’s an excellent conversation piece and something for people to comment on when coming into the home and it’s fairly neutral as to male or female – well ok, leaning on the male side, but at least something other than flowers or plants. Any other maps he wants to add to the kitchen/LR or his own room would be fine with me - like I might intersperse some of my old pictures with the kids’ pictures to break them up. We’ll see. I DON’T want to be afraid of making new holes. This is OUR home too and I want things I love – especially family pictures all about. I want it warm and welcoming though and we will try to keep down some of the clutter.
Rich knows I want to put quilts in the bedroom and in the sitting room on the beds. We haven’t really discussed pictures in either of the two bedrooms. We don’t have a lot of wall space, but we’ll wait to review our pictures situation before plugging in one direction or another. I could see a space for 2-3 quilts, but I’m not going to over push it. I want Rich to be comfortable in his own place.
We didn’t talk about curtains, but touched in the kitchen as to where things go. I think in general we’re both holding the same thoughts, but he will want to be in there more to feel his space out. I think the biggest problem there is that he said that dry goods don’t go in lower cabinets. It was like when did we make that rule, and if you are not going to put THEM in lower cabinets what are you GOING to put in there. That situation got real frustrating, and after a while of counter-productive discussion we just dropped it. He’s going to need some reality and he hasn’t tested out the thoughts as much as we have. It was too much for him to think also of appliances. YES, we do want the blender up and think it should go between the sink and convection oven, and then on the opposite corner the microwave, toaster, and bread basket, and then on the opposite side of the bread (other side of pass through) we want the coffee pot. Anything other than that we feel should be under one of the corners. Without coming to agreement on the dry goods, wasn’t much point on going farther. He considered the small closet pantry, but because it’s only a food wide and in the back of the pantry, I don’t want to discuss that a place for food. It would also be right next to the kitty bathroom and the mudroom is harder to feel comfortable in. I think we’re both in agreement that the other wire rack can come down and we DON’T need anything on the mudroom wall between it and the kitchen. Just want an area to be in taking care of litter, washing clothes and can goods (above washer and dryer in cabinet). We’re good on the cans being there, because he’s leaving the shelf above the machines and below the cupboard for my detergent needs. YAY!
We also didn’t go back into whether or not my sister could come back with us after the Saturday get-together. CS didn’t comment in FB so we don’t know if she’s interested. We’ll wait and see … no use asking Rich if she doesn’t want to come. I know on that score though I will have permission to have a guest over because she IS my sister. Again, I think he’d rather wait til it’s all done and I COULD do the sewing room and fabric closet without help, but I think it would be a good bonding point with us and CS. I think she’d enjoy the break from her own home. I’m not sure if she’d drive by herself or accept help, but that is in the range of being discussable.
Did we talk about cat litter yet? I don’t think so … at least not the point that we got to last night. Rich decided that he wanted the cat litter out of the closet and into the back of the kitchen. I was kicking and screaming quietly all the time. I DON’T think litter should be exposed and I didn’t think the kitties would like to use it in the open when they’ve been used to the privacy of a closet for a long time. Rich was like he would do the emptying multiple times in a day, but that didn’t make me feel better, one because of my own responsibility toward the cats and then two because of the practicality. I am home more than Rich and I don’t want to wait on him to get rid of cat odors. He wanted to put the food over by the litter to keep all cat stuff together, but I REALLY didn’t like the small space and that there food would be so close to the other. I DID NOT move it over as he suggested. It’s fine for now by the dishwasher and then later we’ll come up with something different, but most likely it will be under where the white wire rack is in the mud room. Either that or close to the garbage by the sliding door just because it’s such a big area. Preference though is not to put food by garbage either.
I think the REAL compromise in switching of litter location is that Rich purchases Ziploc bags that might not be economical, but something I can deal with. I want easy to open, fill and close! We don’t have to buy the best bags, but I want a good gallon size Ziploc. THEN I will consider being more observant with emptying litter on a more neurotic level. I’m not going to wrestle though a plastic bag off a roll and hand-tie it or use a grocery bag that sometimes has holes. I want something I can seal and throw away frequently. I know it’s harsh, but that’s got to be the deal! Just as soon as I say it … he’s going to hold me to it. SOOO, I have to be very sure before making this commitment. He’s also got to help without dumping it all on me so that if he’s working in the kitchen and catches something in there, he can’t be calling me to take care of it. Seems fair to me.
We just woke up sir sweetie because it’s 6:15 AM and he wanted to be woken at 6 AM. I thought he’d set his alarm like normal, and when we did rustle him, he groaned and claimed he needed five more minutes. Eh, can’t do more than that … the man is his own man! I know though he has work he wants to get to before we leave out for the new house. I think he’s going to do paperwork, and then go over to the shop, and then be back by 11 AM to go to the new house.
That was a fair bit of conversation too. He’d been calmed down and so had we when we talked last night and he wanted to make it an impossible situation as to getting his fishing gear over immediately, but we weren’t buying it. His bottom line was that he only has 6 more weeks to fishing season and he has to get started. We said are you going to do anything with your gear after you bring it over and he had to admit … not that visit. We said then, but the things WE wanted brought over we were going to do something with right away. We are talking about the china, the electric vacuum and Swiffer, the duster, some washcloths and dish soap, and 2-3 loads of clothes. Thinking we should also bring the white tall garbage and some tall white bags. If he doesn’t have anything to do we can bring a legal pad and he can make a list of everything he wants to do or supplies and equipment he might need. That way he can get a better and more thorough idea of things he’s going to want to address.
Also, we went through the part where we would both go over and “work” a couple of hours, but that ONLY he would go to his mother and work on bills. He could pick me-up later to go over to his mother’s house to visit, but AFTER the bills are done. I just don’t want to be sitting there with nothing to do, but listening to the screaming and yelling I’ve been hearing has been happening. I’m fine with dinner or without, just I don’t want to cut my visit short because he wants me just to sit and look pretty. I can see a play on not ignoring his mother … I really don’t want to do that. Just that I have things to do out there.
The next part of that discussion was on Rich going out there again. I asked are you planning on going on Tuesday and Thursday, or more likely Tuesday and Friday, because either of those days you could bring fishing gear. He was making a big play on not knowing what he would be doing until Monday when he could reevaluate work. And, that seemed understandable, but then we didn’t want his plans to keep ours up in the air. We heavily recommended that he do work at work on Monday and Tuesday, and then go to the house on Wednesday and Friday. Friday we are both going to be there most likely because of services and furniture coming in, but Wednesday is not clear. We’re just saying we can’t go on Tuesday and Thursday because of doctor appointments, so if he CAN arrange his schedule those are the days we would prefer. If he had to go any day between Monday and Thursday without me, we could handle it, but on Sunday, we really do want to work, and he can teach us anything he wants in getting out there, starting the fire, or unlocking the door *sigh*, but there is still a good chance that with or without him, we are going back on Wednesday and of course certainly on Friday. I’ve made my plans.
I was really grateful when he said we could bring the stuff so I could work today. If he’s got stuff in the SUV, then he’s going to need getting used to emptying it so we can bring things back and forth. At this moment, it is 22 days, 0 hours, 27 minutes and 30 seconds til moving … I still have a lot to do. I feel bad for Rich when according to his schedule we’re not doing what we need to, but a lot of being female is planning ahead. We don’t have the guys brawn, we do have brains that help us to do things mentally without wearing down our bodies. That’s my theory and we’re sticking to it.
WooHoo, we’re back. It’s been awhile and it is now 8:45 AM. We were up with Rich between 6:30-7:30 AM, though some of the time we were falling asleep because he was thinking to himself. Other times we were talking. Some of it was about what needs to get done today and this week in general. Since I’ve been back to the computer (after taking medicine), we’ve been working on some lists. We also through this sent Rich this email AND picture J
Please can we have $100 to spend at Flyladies shop! She has extra special tried and true equipment/supply
$100 includes Flylady cup because she's encouraging, mitt duster for handheld dusting, 3 toilet brushes, 6 micro-cloths with mesh bag for throwing in washing machine, one scrubber for multi-purpose - see list below, one scrubber for cleaning bath tubs and walls, 2 rubber dish brushes for shining sink, bottles, glasses and other, and one rubber scrubber with long extension handle for anything from cat fur, dust bunnies, base boards, wood laminate and other) - all the rubber stuff you can put in dishwasher to sanitize though shouldn't go in at hot wash or heated drying. Again all items are washable and reusable. We've been attached to Flylady for A LONG time. We want to start of right with all the cleaning parts available to get the job done right and follow her program. We are trying to become the domestic Goddess of your dreams ... Please!
- Cleaning window screens
- Cleaning vegetables
- Cleaning dishes
- Cleaning mud/etc. off the bottom of shoes
- Sweeping up broken glass
- Sweeping up dust around baseboards
- Brushing off carpeted stairs
- Cleaning fan and hairdryer vents
- Cleaning grill vents
- Scrubbing out yucky garbage cans
- Picking up pet hair
- Rubbing/combing your pet
- Massager
- Sweeping dirt out of tent
- Brushing snow off of clothing
- Brushing up lint (especially velvet lint)
- Cleaning Dryer Lint screen
- Cleaning lamp shades
- Cleaning blinds
- Cleaning window sills
- Cleaning the divots and grooves in tile and linoleum
- Cleaning dust off of ball caps
- Cleaning crevices in paint
- Scrubbing spots on carpet
- Cleaning sticky dough out of bowls
- Cleaning out bottles and jars
- Scrubbing dust off of baskets
- Cleaning silk off of ears of corn
- Cleaning crumbs from between keyboard keys
- Cleaning bathtub
- Cleaning paint trays, paint rollers and paint brushes
- Cleaning carseat covers and straps
- Cleaning upholstery
- Scrubbing stains from clothing
- Cleaning coils on refrigerator
- Cleaning slats in roll-top desk
- Cleaning cheese grater
- Cleaning glass shower doors
- Cleaning algae from fish pond
- Cleaning stuffed animals
- Cleaning scuff marks on walls
- Cleaning car mats
- Cleaning bathroom fan
- Cleaning robot vacuum
- Brushing sand off of feet
- Scrubbing stove top
As another general matter, he approved of getting the Ziploc bags for me to do the kitty litter. I was really happy there, but as expected he focused in on the word “promise” as in Ann’s promises to do the litter 2-4 times a day IF he makes it easy EVEN though Ziplock bags can be costly. It’s just that I need a system and am happy with that. WE did say we could go with generic J Other lists have been made. We’re hoping that while we’re there he can go to:Walmart shopping list:
· Toilet paper· Wash cloths· Dish towels· Dishwasher detergent· Bucket· Gallon-size kitty Ziplocs· Medium kitchen bags (garbage container liners)· Washing machine detergent· Bleach· Dryer sheets· $100 to spend at Flyladies
The list of things we want to take today are:
· China· Electric Vacuum· Swiffer/liquid· Hand duster and pads· 2-3 loads of clothes· Sponges· Old dish rags and dishtowels· Paper towels· One laundry basket for clean laundry· Old basket for shoes for dirty laundry· Wal-Mart list
Oh dear … we gave Rich the lists and he complained and said no to everything. This isn’t going to work. He’s complaining, but if he wants to make me a domestic goddess we need tools. This is natural for owning your own first house together, right? Ok, I feel better … I FB’d it and now everything seems in my normal realm, because we have family and friends that understand my goofiness. I Really DOOO mean to be a domestic Goddess!
AHA! We’re getting closer to Domestic Goddess. Rich is giving me a little break. We gave him some good will in folding/hanging a load of clean clothes AND we emptied the dishwasher and refilled it – just a few things. AND THEN, we went on a cleaning scavenging hunt and came up with the TWO bundles of dirty clothes, electric vacuum, Swiffer, dusters, sponges, dish soap, and the couple of baskets OH and paper towels. Rich did say how many trips we expected him to take. I guess that would fit how much tolerance he has for that kind of work. I can’t do anything if he doesn’t want to do “his” part first. He said we wouldn’t have time to do all the work if we were at Wal-Mart getting things, but then we said, No I’M not going into Wal-Mart – I always sit in the car so it makes more sense to drop me off at the house to start and then YOU get the stuff, whatever brands you want. He could as well get the things from the fridge so take care of two needs at once. He really doesn’t have the same list of things to do as we have. His takes in a lot more standing, lifting and carrying. Blah! Then we reiterated that there were things we could be doing like washing cupboards, dusting, vacuuming and Swiffering. See? It works like that … the biggest thing is that we can’t start the clothes until he gets back, unless he wants to take the laundry stuff from downstairs, and then replace that with the new stuff, though I don’t think we are ever going to wash clothes here again. J If we have to take the clothes down and up anyway … it saves a lot of extra up and down in changing loads, so it’s really easier and cheaper to do it at our REAL home! We’re thinking if he could do one more load we would take the high chair so we could clean the upper cabinets. That be a good deal, right? We better not push J
We’ve got an hour now before he wanted to leave. He still has to load the vehicle and he’s in the shower now. We are through the shower. There we left him a note suggesting we just use washing clothes stuff downstairs, AND that he also pick up a carton of water. PLUS, he smiled when we went buy him and whistled! YAY … the nice Rich is back!
Good good. We each got the others feet … It’s a thing … not for Rich, but me … I’m getting proud of us! I’m thinking Rich is feeling better now … he’s asking normal questions like temperature and stuff AND he’s dressed! WooHOO!!! We’re getting this show on the road! I think it’s really going to work out to be a nice day, but I’m going to try like anything not going up and down stairs more than once or twice. I’ve got too much standing with the laundry and cleaning. I know that I still have to do things at the pace my back can handle. That be like fair, right?
AHA! Just got another email from Flylady – she’s really good about sending mail all through the day … and if your in the mood you can open them. This one was about decluttering and yard work. That’s a good question … when do you have to start taking care of the lawn? Hmm, just looked outside and there is still snow. SO, I guess the answer is NOT today! Rich said he has a snow shovel, but things like rakes he still has to get.
Shoot that made me grouchy again. Better remember to take pills with us. I had remembered I better eat some cereal before we go over, and then Rich asked us to repeat sending him something he had scanned, but this time print a copy of it. I had to get a special adobe program, load the one to find which “numbered” file it was under, print it AND reemail. JUST because he said he must have thrown the original. That’s like no fair kind of work, HMPF! Well, at least he came in the LR to get a copy … I guess that could make up the difference. Ok, ok … he’s back to being sweetie, BUT for the record if someone is having breakfast you shouldn’t make her do stuff!
We’re going to get off his case … hopefully, for the rest of the day. He seemed to like the thought of not re-purchasing clotheswashing stuff AND understanding need to do grocery shopping AND get water. Those were all my big musts of the day. He said he didn’t want to pay for the FlyLady stuff now, so we said … it’s ok, we’ll wait until the toilets need to be cleaned J FORTUNATELY, the old owners did that before leaving J Just you feel better when they are your OWN germs! Rich did grumble about needing 3 because he thought we could carry around a bucket and we said … it’s not happening … we need a quick easy solution. He said something about his solutions and then it was ok, then LIKE YOU CLEAN the toilets! This officially is our first problem with owning three toilets – like what the hell did we just do!
Hmm, it seems that Linda AND CS are still absent from the day and it’s already 10:38 AM. Linda has an excuse because she’s babysitting and probably really busy with that! I’m not sure where CS is … sometimes she’s timely, other times she’s not. Gotta put concerns like if she is coming or not out of our mind for the moment. Won’t help to fret. Different things will happen around the house if she decides one way or another.
We are feeling very eager to get to the new house. Hmm, maybe I should get dressed? THAT’S a good idea!
There dressed, hair brushed in a pony-tail, we added two bottles of water to get us through until Rich comes back from Wal-mart and just checked he’s got both lists. I feel bad because I know the stairs are making him tired, but it was HIS idea that someone puts up the china and gets it out of the way. *sigh*
In the meantime we had to unpack a box for envelopes, which wasn’t too big a deal, but maybe I should now re-tape it? Good idea … and pick-up the LR so when we get home its nice here too. And we got together an old camera bag that will work now for phone, camera, garage door opener, pen and keys. Good thinking! It’s about how we used it before, except then we had smokes too. AND, we got popcorn microwaved so we don’t bother Rich about lunch.
Hmm, I’m thinking we’ve come far enough … might as well go pack myself … bbl FOR SURE!
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