Know How to Listen

Posted on the 17 June 2014 by Luciano Pacini
Today I want to inaugurate a new section of my blog. Thanks to all of you who follow me. In fact I often get many private letters, in the majority of cases are of compliments, and this makes me very happy. Other times there are some interesting ideas. So I decided that anyone who wants to can write to me, and I'll publish the most interesting reflections, of course respecting privacy. But the interesting thing is that I will answer, so to speak directly to the questions I get asked. For example, in this letter, the author gave me a hint, one thing of which I have never spoken, and I take this opportunity now to develop this concept.

From: (Private email)Sent: Tuesday, May 06, 2014 11:47 PMTo: Pacini Luciano Subject: Re: Comunicate the Right EmotionsHi Luciano!How are you?thank you for the link! In my opinion it is really important to tell what you feel and make someone be little happier. I believe internet and mobile connection exist in this world to help us to wish a nice day even if you are far away from each other and not to make our life be virtual. Also it is important to be able not only to tell but to listen (not only to hear - feel the difference). So if people were able to listen attentively to each other, the relationships also would really be better. What do you think?Thank you! Keep in touch!Sincerely, OlgaKnow how to listenLuciano replies:

When people try to understand the mechanisms of communication, they think usually that the most important thing is be able to express themselves. But I discover that is not only like that.Try to think, if you speak and nobody understands, you just say words that nobody will remember. If you write a book and nobody read it, you have just put together paper and ink.  You feel that there is something wrong? Is like that! So what makes the difference?Listening does not mean using only ears, but feeling what others say to understand after also their intentions.For sure it happened to you, somebody have told you something that almost in the same time you have forgotten, somebody else have told you something that stay in your mind. Then, there have been also those whom with some words even have touched your heart. Why all of those different situations happened to you? Because everything is based on what I have called “The winning combination”. But lets continue. So the first important step is to catch the differents between hearing and feeling.The world is full of people who listen primarily themselves. Usually they can not understand completely each other, because do not even have a clear perception of their confused ego. Spend their entire lives to cultivate an imaginary personality which seek to impose on others; they are just influenced from other people that they consider guru, and basically they just copy them, because what miss to the most of the people is the originality, in fact is easier to be conformist. The result is that people establish relationships for convenience, without understanding completely each other, but they stay together anyhow. But I am sure that an healthy relationship should be based on a real communication. Before thinking about what we can say or write, the important thing is to listen and understand. It’s much more interesting to understand andfeel the value of communication than just the surface of the words. Listening means, first of all, put yourself in the shoes of others. Understand things also from another point of view. Then also is important to perceive what another person was not going to tell you directly, but what can transmits anyhow, with behavior, tone of voice and so on.So what is listening? Technically I can say that is to keep yourself hearing voluntarily and carefully, paying attention to someone as information or as reason for meditation.But I am convinced is not just like that and so there is still much more to discover.Also because not everything you hear or read maybe deserves to be thoroughly understood. So there is also this concept, you must know how to listen but also when to listen. Many people are not able to recognize this difference and so for this reason happens that they pay attention to those who should not and don’t listen to those who should listen to. People don’t know how to manage this and so most of them usually make this choice relying only on their arrogance and past complex. And at the end there are many mistakes and misunderstandings.This happens because is an “art” to pick up the interesting signals that often are not where we expected them. And not everybody is an “artist”. Anyway if you want to enter into a dialogue, before you must be able to hear with attention and participation. So at the start I was talking about what I have called the “The winning combination”, did you understand what I am talking about? Is the best way to interprets the communication. But I will complete this topic in another post or video…….Listening is a special thing, a creative force. Be heard creates you, makes you open and expanded. Listening is a loving gift that we give to those who are trying to tell us something. But often it is also a great gift for those who are able to listen.

In Photo: Three lions!

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