Going to uni is scary right?
- new friends
- new routines
- new city
- new study
- EVERYTHING new!
When you have an eating disorder, anxiety, OCD, other mental health disorders you up the fear factor. The nature of the illnesses mean you try to hide and fly under the radar anyway.
- You don’t want to tell anyone – you want to look and be like everyone else
- You don’t want to have to open yourself up at that level to new people
- You don’t want a new health support team – enough already!
- You don’t want the shame of going to the disability unit or being labelled disabled
- You don’t want people to know you ‘need’ care
- You think seeking help is a weakness
- You think the disability unit is only for physically disabled people
- You don’t have time to ‘nurture’ your illness – pretend it’s not really there.
Problem is, the illness doesn’t go away, and it does need care, support and nurture. Otherwise the road ahead becomes a mountain or a minefield. Taking ownership and being responsible for yourself and your health is part of recovery.
And there is help on campus giving willingly and caringly by the uni staff. They really do want you to succeed and be there to support you if they can and you let them. But you see, YOU have to find them. They won’t come and find you. There is no fairy godmother turning up at the door. You have to actively get out there and ask, seek, find.
Soph thought she could do it herself – and ten points for the bravery and courage to try. But bigger points to her for finally realising after crashing several times, this wasn’t going to get better by itself and help wasn’t going to seek her out. She made the scary effort of finding out who to talk to. One conversation led to others, led to people and sections that could help her.
After seeing the disability unit (and there is a whole context of shame that everyone needs to get over), she is set for next semester. The benefits she has gained in the last couple of weeks out-weight all the numbered points above that she argued defensively about. She actually realises she can face next semester and know she has systems in place to support her on every level. That’s cool.
There is no shame in seeking help. Help restores the balance to your life. Help can mean the difference to you making your dream or not. You don’t have to tell everyone you are seeking help, nor is it anyone else’s business that you have systems in place to help you succeed. Comparing how you get through your degree to how your friend or peers get through their degree is so POINTLESS. You need to enable yourself not disable yourself.
Sophie has found a new set of people who care and are willing to walk with her. That’s pure gold. It tells her she is not alone, that she can start to trust and open herself up and not feel shamed.
