As women, we are often faced with many trials when it comes to matters of the heart. We have given our hearts to people who have abused, neglected, and misused us. People have taken advantage of everything from our minds to our bodies. We deal with being lied to, cheated on, and left only to turn around and have some of the same things happen to us all over again. It becomes a pattern in which each time we give ourselves to someone we create one more bag that we have to carry. This is what happens when you can’t let it go, every painful relationship you have becomes extra baggage that you carry along with you. Unfortunately, your past and the inability to get over it can keep you from living and experiencing a healthy relationship. We become the ultimate bag ladies, carrying around a load of baggage on our backs.
Somehow, we become conditioned to having bad relationships, we become bitter, angry, unapproachable, and guarded. If and when a good potential mate comes along, we turn and run out of fear that history will repeat itself. History is a weird word, it is the study of past events; an account of things that happened previously but for some reason history can end up in present life reminding us of all the drama we endured previously.
As women, we must account for our own hearts, we must effectively learn how to let things go, how to rebuild our confidence, and how to prepare ourselves for the true love that I’m sure awaits us all. In dealing with my own matters of the heart, I have learned 5 key steps for releasing the baggage of the past. When we spend our time investing in the wrong people we develop a fear of investing again but as I once heard, “fear will never lead you to anything positive“.
Acknowledge and validate your feelings: Don’t pretend as though nothing has happened, cry, scream, shout, write, and cry some more.
Take a time out:Take some time to re-discover who you are, what you want to do, go on vacation or a mini getaway. Get a new hairstyle and learn how to pamper and love yourself.
Don’t Dwell on It-Don’t sing the I would’ve, should’ve, could’ve blues. Leave singing the blues to B.B. King. Dwelling on what you could have done makes the process much harder. It happened; now find a way to move passed it.
Don’t Think about It as Time Lost: Everyone who crosses our path was brought into our lives for a distinct reason. Unfortunately, not everyone is meant to be there for the long haul. Take what you have learned from the experience and look forward to the future.
Don’t be afraid to seek help: In some cases, the emotional scarring is so deep that you can’t handle it alone. Don’t be afraid to seek out a therapist or your spiritual leader to help you work through your pain.
When you learn how to let go, you give yourself inner peace and understanding. You open yourself up for new possibilities and you learn how to love yourself more in the process. The key to having a healthy relationship is to love you first and be emotionally available enough to give yourself to another. It is then when you understand that true love will make you forget everything that happened in the past and you will see how letting go was well worth it. So in the words of Erykah Badu “pack light”.
