Every day, we make dozens, if not hundreds, of small agreements with others around us. This is everything from agreeing with a colleague to take on a new project to agreeing with your partner that you'll pick up milk on the way home. We trust that these agreements will be honored, and in part that is a result of the relationship we have with the other person. Even without that relationship, we may still assume that the agreement will be upheld, as the person has perhaps given us no reason to doubt their sincerity. When that agreement is broken, however, it becomes much more challenging to trust the other person when presented with future possible agreements. Our memory of being let down or disappointed is far longer than our memory of having a promise kept.
The importance of impeccable agreements give us the forth and final pillar of integrity. In a broad sense, an agreement is anything we say we will or won't do. Our goal should be to establish agreements that clearly define who will complete what action or task, the specifics of that action or task, and what the timeline is for completion. Answering these three questions allows us to assess our ability to complete the task and recognize when we have upheld the agreement. Ideally, we strive to be impeccable with our agreements a majority of the time.
There will, of course, always be times when we are unable to keep our agreements. If the last three years have taught us anything, it's that the unexpected is always possible and it can quickly derail perfectly good plans. This is where the importance of being able to renegotiate our agreements becomes important. As soon as we realize we won't be able to keep an agreement we've made, we should be reaching out to the other person to renegotiate the terms of the agreement. Make sure you are honest in sharing why you were unable to keep the agreement. This may not always work out, and there may not always be more time available, but it ensures that trust is maintained. We are all familiar with how we feel when this isn't done and someone shares with us at the eleventh hour that a task won't be completed, leaving us to scramble to figure out an alternative solution.
It's easy to envision this process and the importance of it during big, important projects or tasks. We can more effectively develop this skill, however, by looking to the much smaller, everyday agreements as perfect practice. Once we get into the habit of keeping our agreements and communicating effectively when we'll be unable (so sorry, I'm running late and can't stop to pick up the milk, are you by chance able to do so?), it becomes much easier to keep them when the stakes are higher.
Central to the effectiveness of impeccable agreements is the buy-in from both parties involved. If you're forcing someone else to agree to something based on your hierarchical role, or manipulating someone into doing something they aren't prepared to do, then that trust has already eroded. Often, "pulling rank" to force someone into an agreement is an easy strategy for an inexperienced leader who is worried about performance. Although the task may be accomplished in the short-term, the buy-in of the other team members is slowly disintegrating and probably won't be there when something truly crucial emerges. It's important to remember that impeccable agreements start and end with trust.
Do you make and keep impeccable agreements? Do you find yourself nodding yes to someone else's request when you really don't want to do something but don't feel like you can say no? Do you find yourself to committing to things without the intention of completing them because you know there is no accountability? Try making impeccable agreements with yourself today and start to reset your head and heart for truly committed engagement!
