Today I was a question that nobody has ever asked me before “If it were possible to take your bipolar away, would you”.
I answered without hesitating; its only now half an hour later I smile at the reply I gave, the answer was No, no I would not cure my bipolar.
Two years ago I remember sobbing, shaking, curled with my feet beneath me as I sat on a cold gray hard plastic chair in a psychiatric appointment, screaming “take it away, I don’t want it, I can’t live like this anymore”
So much has changed in the last 2 years; I have changed and grown as a person. This transformation has been great, I am now fully understanding of my illness and grasp it with both hands, I was the one destroying myself, not bipolar.
I am bipolar and I am proud, I am not a weak person, those who know me know how far I have come and how strong I am. I have at times wanted to give in to the mental illness that has stripped away so much of me, yet it has also given me so much in return.
I would not be The Real Supermum and help thousands of mothers each day if I were not who I am. Perhaps I would have a career, own my own home and have a savings account, perhaps I may even possess a car or wear designer clothes but that’s not me, I am very proud of who I am and all I have achieved.
Yes it may take me longer, be more difficult for me to achieve things and I will always have those little niggling voices reminding me I am useless, yet when I look into the eyes of my 6 children or when my husband holds me tight, I know I have achieved more than most people ever could in a lifetime.
I have not beat bipolar, but it sure as hell has not beaten me.
I am bipolar and I always will be, but it no longer prevents me from doing things, from helping people, from being a good person.
Bipolar has made me step up to the mark, made me question myself and delve into the past. I have had to be honest, accept my faults and my weaknesses and it has enabled me to change those things that needed changing.
Being bipolar isn’t all bad, just look at what I do online and you will see there are some positives to being able to understand others without judging, mental illness does not make you weak, it makes you a stronger person and I am living proof of just that.
