Sophie’s counselor obviously read between the lines of what was said and not said. She picked up enough from the appointment last week, that Sophie is blocking and her feelings/fears are festering. She emailed Sophie today about scheduling weekly appointments asap and starting to deal with some of this stuff underneath. If her counselor has thought about this over the past few days and sent the email, she really means business. This is important. Yesterday’s picture of the dominating male figure and the comments she made about men to her counsellor, clearly show a link to her father. And rigid, unbending thinking.
Sophie’s response – I am not going. I don’t want to talk about my feelings. I don’t want to remember and I hate pain. True, none of us like facing our inner pain. It is raw, sometimes agony, and places us back in situations we never wanted to go back to. But if the feelings from these times are never resolved, we cannot hope to move forward in a healthy manner either. Mostly the pain of confronting our past, is the beginning of healing and hope. But try explaining that to an 18 year old. She is too young still to grasp what it means to have relationship/psychological/addiction issues when you are 30, 40, or 50 because you never resolved your past. Trying to encourage her, and will email her counselor to keep nudging her.
She painted this afternoon, after reading the email. A reactive response to the fear of having to open her past. Remember I said that I didn’t mind seeing goth skeletons again. If only they were those again. It seems they have gone to be replaced with a much darker picture. The simple portraits have been replaced with scenic vistas with my daughter as the focal point. Put it this way, if her counselor or psychiatrist saw the pic, she would be on suicide watch. Seriously dark. Will be emailing her counselor about that too. And a few questions about the medication – whether the tiny decrease has opened the door to the darker side.
Watching, waiting. Heartsick.
