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I know, that sounds really bad. It probably is. But hear me out first…
Emily and I have known each other for about 10 years. We didn’t hit it off right away. She was having a fling with my ex; my first love.
We knew each other through a mutual friend and if I’m honest, I couldn’t stand her. She was over the top girly, that real ‘princess’ kind of girl. Completely spoilt and thought the world owed her a favour.
Their fling ended and he wanted to patch things up between us. This wasn’t long after my daughter’s dad and I split up and I was in a weak place, so I gave in. Shortly after, Emily had a thing with my daughter’s dad too. I really couldn’t stand her.
But, when things went bad with my partner, my first love, and he left me for someone else, she was the person I sought solace from. I have no idea why, but I rang her and we talked on the phone for hours and a friendship was forged.
From that day, we were solid friends. I went back to college and met a fab guy and she got back with her ex, Andy, whom she had never stopped loving in the near year that they had been separated.
The first time I met Andy, he was friendly but was very quiet, but then every time that I saw him after, he was stand-offish and barely spoke to me. When I mentioned it to Andy, she told me that he didn’t like me or or what I stood for, and he felt that I was a bad influence on her.
I’ve never been one to try and make people like me, so I just left him to it – I remained friendly with him, but didn’t make too much effort. After all, why should I make an effort for someone that had already judged me and decided they disliked me without getting to know me.
Anyway, years passed and whilst I continued to be unlucky in love and relationships, they seemed to be holding strong. They had a bit of a hiccup when Emily had kissed someone else and wondered if her and Andy were right together, but then they recovered and got engaged. And I could not have been happier to be asked to be maid of honour.
I jumped straight into the role, organising day outings to weeding fayres and dress shops and looking through colour schemes and flowers and venues. For the first year of their engagement, I had never seen her so happy.
But that started to change. She started a new job in a pub and her confidence started to grow. She had always been quite shy and not a confident person, but there was a new person emerging with this new job and at first I thought it was a good thing. But then she started talking about a group of guys that always came into the pub, and how one in particular was always talking to her and flirting.
He was five years younger than her (a tender 21 years old) and already had a reputation as a player and a bit of a lad. But this didn’t bother her and soon they were texting and talking on Facebook all day, every day. Suddenly she wasn’t talking excitedly about her wedding plans, but about this other guy and how great he was. But she was my best friend, so I offered my advice and warned her to be careful, but it wasn’t my business.
A few months before, I had come out of a five year long relationship and it had caused quite an upheaval in my life. I had coped pretty well, but in the run up to Christmas, I realised that I would be on my own, as my daughter goes to her dad’s before lunch on Christmas Day.
When I mentioned this to Emily, she jumped on it and insisted that I had to spend Christmas with her, Andy and her family. At first I declined, but after she kept on, I gave in – after all, who wants to spend Christmas on their own when you could spend it with your best friend?!
So Christmas Day arrives and I get to Emily’s house and it’s buzzing. Andy is in the kitchen cooking Christmas dinner for the 11 of us that are there, Emily’s parents are fussing about with their other guests and so Emily and disappear upstairs for a while.
The minute we sit down, she starts telling me how her and this guy had kissed and been talking and how she couldn’t stop thinking about him. The whole time that she’s talking to me, she’s texting him too.
We go down to Dinner and she practically ignores Andy the whole time. I made some small talk with him but the atmosphere was so uncomfortable. After we had eaten, she dragged me back upstairs. When we got up there, there was a sack of presents on the bed – extra gifts that Andy had bought for her as he had noticed she was quite sad and withdrawn lately.
She opened them disinterested and put them to one side and picked her phone up, going straight back to texting the other guy. Andy came upstairs and she blanked him the whole time.
The silence was uncomfortable so I started talking to him. It was strange as it was the first time we had properly had a conversation and we actually seemed to get on really well. Later that night, Emily told me how she wasn’t sure of what she wanted any more.
I told her that she would be silly to throw away her life with Andy, the man that she loved and had been planning to marry, but she switched off and that was the end of that. A couple of weeks later, I got the text from her – she had left Andy and was going to get together with the other guy.
I tried to talk her round, but she was adamant, and what else could I do. She was my best friend and she had made her choice. What more could I do but support her?
And that was that! She started her relationship with this new guy and Andy disappeared. And I carried on as normal over the next few months.
I was still single, and although I had me a few guys from an online dating site, nothing had really happened, or stood out for me. Then one day, out of the blue, I received a message through the dating site. I thought I recognised the guy in the picture, but wasn’t sure. The message read ‘You came up in my matches – last person I expected to see! xx’ I opened up his profile, and there grinning back at me was a picture of Andy.
I messaged back to be friendly and we struck up a conversation. It surprised me how easily we spoke and he must have been thinking the same thing, as he mentioned it and told me that he was surprised I replied as Emily had always told him that I disliked him! But rewind, wasn’t that what she’d said to me about him?! Anyway, we talked a lot and it was clear that we actually had a lot on common and really seemed to get on well.
The next day he text me and again, we spoke non-stop all day. But I made sure that our conversation was always simple, no flirting and not about their relationship. He mentioned that he had moved back to his parents and had no Sky etc so I offered him to borrow a spare Freeview box thing that I had lying around.
He thanked me and we arranged for him to collect it a few days later. He came over and while he was here, we talked for hours. It was completely innocent, but I couldn’t help but feel attracted to him. He clearly felt the same, as after he left, he text saying that he felt there could be something between us.
I told him outright that he was my best friend’s ex, so nothing could happen and he took that and we carried on talking as normal.
Then I went away on a hen weekend, and whilst there, he text me a few times telling me that he really thought we would be good together, that he was attracted to me and that he wanted to maybe give us a go. But all I could think was how could I?
He was my best friend’s ex-fiance – she would be devastated. What if he was just planning to get with me out of revenge at her leaving him for someone else?! And I had to consider my daughter too… How would she feel about it?!
I told him that I couldn’t accept his offers, but that we would talk about it, and so he came over to my house and we discussed how it would hurt Emily and that it wasn’t the right thing to do, but then, when he leaving, he kissed me, and it was game over! I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. I was massively attracted to him, and I wanted to see what happened…
So we started dating. We saw each other for a few weeks, and it was wonderful! Andy was the most caring, attentive person I had ever met and I had a really good feeling about him, and us. My daughter loved him and he really made an effort with her. So I decided that I had to tell Emily. I arranged to meet with her and when the day came, I was so worried. How would she take it? Would she hate me?
She started off talking about how much she loved this new guy, that it was the real deal and she was so glad that she had left Andy, though she hoped he was okay. That was my cue. I told her outright that we had started seeing each other and she told me that he was only doing it out of revenge and promptly started crying and ran off. We haven’t spoken since that day, which is a year ago this week.
Our mutual friends were initially shocked by Andy and I being together, but after seeing us together as a couple, they all agree that we are good together and that it was clearly the right path for us both.
I regularly hear little snippets of remarks she’s made, making it sound as though I stole him from her – ‘my fiance is playing happy families with the maid of honour’, or ‘she’d been plotting to steal him from me since we invited her to spend Christmas with us’ and the such.
At first, it hurt that I was being made into such a bad person, but now I don’t mind so much. I understand that she needs to vent about it and that’s just fine. I hurt her, so I understand.
I’m Having a Baby With My Best Friend’s Fiancé
And now we are expecting our first baby together. We didn’t expect it to happen so quickly, but I couldn’t be happier, and neither could Andy. He’s already a proud daddy, showing everybody the scan, but still always taking the time with my daughter. He treats her like he is her actual dad. We have discussed getting married and I could not be happier.
So feel free to think badly of me… I can understand why you would. I hurt my best friend for my own selfish wants. I miss Emily, how could I not, but my life has changed so much for the better since Andy came into it and I’m not looking back!
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is either a member of my Facebook mums group, a Twitter follower or has been submitted to me via email. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me. You could help us share the blogs love to helping others by sharing via the social sharing buttons.
