Since secondary school I have always hated getting my hands wet and touching certain materials, I would later learn I have OCD. My mom used to think I was just trying to get out of doing household chores but I truly hated it. I thought it was just me, or that I was just strange.
Years later I coped my own ways with doing everyday things. After a shower I had to put a hand lotion on and sit until it has all soaked in, all through the day if I touched something that had felt funny I had to instantly put my hand cream on. Gloves to make the bed, hand cream after a can of coke you name it I had a way to avoid it.
Two winters ago, I wore my usual winter gloves then the weather got warmer again and I didn’t need them. This is when I realised I had a problem, something wasn’t right, it was so much more worse and I couldn’t bear to take them off.
I went to the GP, he couldn’t make sense out of what I was saying – must have seemed so strange to someone on the outside not in my shoes, but he did refer me to have cognitive behavioural therapy.
At my first appointment I was so nervous; I thought that they wouldn’t ‘get’ what I’m saying. I sat down and explained my everyday life. The lady sat and listened, asked questions and she said to me that I have OCD, a phobia and anxiety. I didn’t quite believe her at first, phobia? How could my hands feeling funny be a phobia? I mean people are scared of spiders and heights not touching things, right?
The more she explained to me that I do anything to avoid a situation thus resulting in OCD behavior it made sense. I came out of my first appointment confused, yet relieved that someone understood me and the help was there if I wanted it. The lady said it would be hard but something I had to do if I wanted to change.
So that’s that then, I had to do this. I couldn’t carry on as I was, I had to change for my children.
I got set little tasks I had to do at home, eg do the dusting without gloves, read a magazine without using hand cream, and making the bed without gloves. All the little things that everyone else does without a 2nd thought I spent so long trying to accomplish them. I had to totally re-train the way my brain was thinking – which is not easy.
I realised how far I had gone to avoid these situations and it wasn’t a nice feeling. I hadn’t realised that on some days I put on my hand cream up to 20 times a day, which was explained an anxiety circle, I was working myself up constantly.
Slowly but surely I was able to practice doing the small things which in time got easier.
It was then time to move on to the big things. I had to try and take a shower without putting cream on afterwards, put wet washing out on the line, wash my hands. Only having 6 weeks this was something I had been left to do at home, I knew what I had to do I just had to do it and get used to it.
18 months down the line I have managed to maintain the little things, when the colder weather comes I struggle more, but as long as I can maintain it and not go back then I am happy. I don’t feel overly confident about trying the bigger things right now, it’s too much when some days I still struggle with the smaller things.
Now I rarely put hand cream on, which is a big improvement from 20 times a day. I have OCD and have had so for 12 years now and know it’s not something that’s going to disappear overnight but I will one day beat this. I don’t know whether it will be 2 years down the line, 5 or maybe another 12. But I’m determined to not let my hands and head rule my life.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mom who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
You can read many more Inspirational Stories of hope and courage on the blog.
You could help us share the blogs love to helping others by sharing via the social sharing buttons bellow.
