Diaries Magazine

I Donned My Lip Gloss and I Ate It

By Parentalparody @parental_parody

To the tune of Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl and I liked it".  To bribe or not to bribe?  That is the question.
At least, it is in my household.
Miss6 is a bit allergic to homework.  Her exact words.
I donned my lip gloss and I ate it
I tried the rewards chart system, I tried threats, promises, empty promises of ponies and unicorns and Katy Perry tucking her in at night.  Nothing worked.  Especially not after the first time she took me up on the Katy Perry offer and I showed up to tuck her in later that night, with a mumbled claim of Katy’s Rep double booking her with MTV Cribs, and Katy sends her apologies....sweet dreams! I was down to my very last option….Miss6’s favourite place in the whole world after Bali and Ikea….
The $2 Shop
Now, after Miss6 has done all of her homework for the week, she goes to the $2 Shop to pick something out.  And it is a well stocked shop.  So far we’ve come home with a stubby holder, a plastic ash tray (I’ll have to put that one in her Hope Chest, since she’s too young to smoke), some kitchen scourers, and multiple lip glosses.
She can’t get enough of the cheap lip gloss.

I donned my lip gloss and I ate it

That's a whole school term of homework right there

It’s not that she’s trying to collect every shade.  It’s not that she likes to wear lip gloss.
She eats it.
She puts it on, and then when she thinks I’m not looking she shoves the stick in her mouth and sucks on it.  Then double-dips and goes for a second suck.  And so on and so forth until the tube is empty.
If only I could find one of these, surely it'd be worth at least a month's homework:

I donned my lip gloss and I ate it

Katy Perry stubby holder.  Yours for the bargain price of 4 weeks reading

What’s a mother to do?
Stop taking her, or ban her from purchasing lip gloss, instead re-directing her to the scourers and stubbie holders?
Hire a Katy Perry impersonator to come and tuck her in each night? 

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