When Eden Riley (love her work!) created a link-up-get-together in her blog this week around the theme of “who am I?” it struck a chord with me, a chord with a fair bit of niggly stuff in it actually. BOOM, what a question to think about now, of all times, as I’m going through a bit of a transition … maybe there are some planets re-aligning somewhere in my universe, who knows really, because all of that mumbo-jumbo Venus, Moon, Saturn stuff doesn’t make too much sense to me anyhow.
What does make some sense though is the basics. The stuff about me that just is what it is. Like it, lump it, take it or leave it. I can’t change that I’m a divorced, re-partnered 43 year old woman with an artificial hip. That I am a mum of two teen boys and one toddler girl and victim of the insanity that is sleep deprivation …. a decade on … again. That I am a teacher turned Behaviour Support Consultant who works part time at the local high school yet yearns for a work from home lifestyle doing my own thing, my way, in my pyjamas all day if I want. I know that I am an ideas person who starts a trillion projects and instead of finishing them will think and plan and dream of a trillion more. I see this as both a strength and a weakness. I am by nature a thinker, a dreamer, an idealist. I see things for what they are, yet always believe that truth, justice and good will beat the crap out of evil everytime and when it doesn’t I find it hard to get to sleep at night. Sigh, you know what it’s like, don’t you?
What confuses me about me are the contradictions I am. I can say one thing, and do another (sorry kids). I cry in all of the right places in some movies but laugh hysterically at highly inappropriate places during others (tsk tsk). I don’t give a toss what others think, yet love the feeling of being accepted. I feel so content and happy with my life, yet continue the search for an unidentifiable something. I’ll be convincing and authentic during conversations of very high-brow subject matter, yet can admit that Judge Judy is one of my idols and that’s quite low-brow indeed. I’ll convince myself that I’m healthy and in-shape (oh, aside from that stainless steel hip!) but I know that the reality of it is I have a huge pile of clothes that no longer fit me and I’d do well to lose a few kg. I’ll be driven, full of gun-ho motivation yet slowed to a snail’s pace by a good dose of the “whatevers” and an addiction to procrastination. I tie myself up in knots sometimes, do you ever do that too?
There are some bits of me I am certain of though. I know where I’ve been. I know that there have been many travelled roads, some smooth and lined with flowers, perfect for skipping along. Others, bumpy, rough and unforgiving on knees when there’s been a stumble and fall. And that’s ok. All of this life business, the good times bundled along with the bullshit has created ME and you know what? I’m alright. I am. You are alright too. All we can do in this life is be ourselves, take care of our loved ones and each other and do the best with what we have at any given moment. I hope that’s the spirit you take from my little blog here, a sense that it’s all ok and there is no perfect. There is no better than, or no worse than, there just IS.
Well, tell me, I want to know, who are you? Ahh, but who are you really, hmmmm, it’s not easy is it? I do hope you’ve had some time to be in touch with you lately. If you can, check out the other posts linked to Eden’s blog, there are some super thoughts on self-exploration and identity and I’m sure they’d all love a visit from you!
PS. I’d insert the giddy up Fresh Horses Brigade badge here but my techo fairies are not playing nicely 
