Baseball Magazine

I Am Being an Assclown for Halloween.

By Jhop
I am being an Assclown for Halloween.After much thought, I have decided to dress up as John Lackey for Halloween. I struggled with this decision for weeks - long before The Fabulous Penguin sent me the (fabulous) above-pictured e-card.  At first, I tried to convince my brother and my best friend/gay husband Carl to be Ron Weasley and Harry Potter, so that I could be a somewhat slutastic version of Hermione Granger.  (Come on. It is Halloween - a women's excuse to sex up any costume from a Ziploc bag to a homeless person). Carl balked because, according to him, "Harry Potter can't be black." I vehemently disagreed and tried to persuade him with a wand and round glasses.  No luck.  That is when I came up with the idea of being John Lackey.  I am being an Assclown for Halloween.Again, I tried to convince my brother and Carl to join me as Beckett and Lester, but they were not as excited about this as I was. The one thing stopping me was my refusal to spend money in any way that could be construed as support for the Sox. It is one thing to buy a "Suck it Boston" shirt, which I proudly wear all over the city; its another thing entirely to purchase a genuine Red Sox hat. I would rather light a $20 bill on fire.  And I'd feel like a dirty whore wearing such a thing, even if just for Halloween. What if the Baseball Jesus senses my treason and it affects him psychologically? We can't have that.  So, out of pinstriped loyalty (and like most of Red Sox Nation), I gave up on John Lackey.  I wracked my brain for days trying to think of something better, but to no avail.  It eventually led to this conversation with Carl, from last night: I am being an Assclown for Halloween. It made me laugh.  Carl would be the first person to tell you that there is very little about his life that has been "limited" - except for Halloween, apparently.  He is still undecided and I am still trying to persuade him that, black or not, he will make an excellent Josh Beckett.  I have less than four days to make this happen. Regardless, have no fear, I will post Halloween photos accordingly. 
Enjoy your Thursdays, stay out of the rain, and please check back tomorrow when there will (hopefully) be baseball to discuss.

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog