In response to a couple of questions I have put together information to help friends or someone you know who may have an eating disorder. The most important thing you can do is support them, be there and be unconditional in your offerings. What counts most to someone who has the eating disorder, is having people around them who love them and stay for the duration.
- Start by talking to your friend privately about what you’ve noticed. Explain that you’re worried. Be as gentle as possible, and try to really listen to and be supportive about what your friend is going through.
- If your friend opens up about what’s going on, ask how you can help. Tell your friend you want to help him or her get healthy again. Try not to make statements like “If you’d just eat (or stop working out so much), you’ll get better.” Instead, asking simple questions like “How can I help?” shows you can listen and be supportive without judging.
- Find out as much as you can about eating disorders from reliable sources. Many organizations, books, websites, hotlines, or other resources are devoted to helping people who are battling eating disorders. Learning more can help you better understand what your friend is going through. Share what you learn with your friend if he or she is open to it, but don’t preach or campaign.
- Try not to be too watchful of your friend’s eating habits, food amounts, and choices. It can be tempting to try to get a friend to eat more, but eating disorders are complicated so it often does no good (and it may push a friend away if he or she thinks you are judging or lecturing).
- Know your limits. Being concerned and trying to help is part of a good friendship. But don’t take it on yourself to fix things. This is one time where telling a friend what to do or how to act probably won’t work.
- Focus on inner qualities. Try not to talk about food, weight, diets, or body shape (yours, your friend’s, or even a popular celebrity’s). Focus instead on people’s strengths — like how someone has a great smile, helpful nature, or talents in something like math or art.
- Offer to go with your friend to a support group or be there when your friend talks to a counselor.
- If your friend isn’t getting better and isn’t getting help, it might be time to talk to someone else. Try talking to your parents, the school guidance counselor or nurse, athletic coach, or even your friend’s parents. This isn’t easy to do because it can feel like betraying a friend. But part of being a good friend is doing everything you can to help.
- Remind your friend that you’re there no matter what.Listen and be supportive. Sometimes you’d be surprised how asking simple questions like “What would make you feel better?” can lead to a great conversation about how you can help your friend heal.
People with eating disorders often have trouble admitting that they have a problem — even to themselves. They may feel guarded and private.
It can be hard trying to help someone who isn’t ready or doesn’t think help is needed. Try not to get angry or frustrated. Remind your friend that you care. If your friend tells you it’s none of your business or that there is no problem, you might have to talk to someone else about it.
From http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/problems/friend_eating_disorder.html#
Also see:
http://www.something-fishy.org/helping/whatyoucando.php
http://www.eatingdisorders.org.au/siblings-a-friends/what-you-can-do
