REJECTION. That word sends shivers down the spines of so many men, women…and…others?…out there, that quite frankly many of us do everything that’s within our power to AVOID this feeling. And to be quite frank, on many levels, it SUCKS. It SUCKS when you ask a girl/guy out on a date, and they come up with some brilliant excuse like they have to wash their hair…or something along those lines. Unless you’re the type of person that lives in perpetual denial, and always finds some way to reason things out. “Oh…she has to wash her hair? Well…hmm that’s a weird excuse, but I guess it makes sense cause, you know, girls are always washing their hair and stuff…”
SUCKER.
The thing about rejection that stings the most is the fact that many of us put ourselves on pedestals. We all think secretly inside, “IF ONLY SHE/HE KNEW HOW WONDERFUL I AM ON THE INSIDE AND HOW GREAT OF A PERSON I AM!!! THEN THEY WOULD LOVVVEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEE.” Either that, or it’s the OPPOSITE extreme and you have no self confidence at all whatsoever. Hopefully that’s not the case–trust me, this is the worst place to be in. FIND A WAY TO BUILD UP YOUR CONFIDENCE. Start asking girls/guys to dinner that you KNOW will say yes (you know, mom, dad, sister, brother…hey man every yes is a confidence booster). And keep things in perspective! Because no matter how bad it gets, it can’t get as bad as one of my friends who got rejected to prom by SEVEN DIFFERENT girls (was it EIGHT?) IN ONE DAY. SEVEN. THAT’S RIGHT. AND HE still has…some…swag. (Sorry friend in question when you read this. HAHAHA).
For those who think they are amazing, and know that once the girl/guy gives you a chance they will see how amazing you are too…well, I mean, you’re probably right–everyone has attractive qualities about them…okay, well most people do anyways. But there’s something to be said about initial attraction and chemistry that can’t be overlooked. And this is the tricky part when we discuss the idea of whether or not a person is interested in us.
The reality is this: there are SOOOOOO MANY elements of initial attraction. Unless you’re some Alpha Male who gets pretty much all the ladies (without much exhausted effort, might I add), the reality is…dating is HARD. Finding two people who work together in terms of chemistry, personality, life goals, etc…it’s hard work. That’s why, honestly, you SHOULDN’T be offended if someone doesn’t…like you.
THE PROBLEM with most of us is that its hard for us to escape TUNNEL VISION. Tunnel Vision is when you get your eyes set on this PARTICULAR girl/guy, and no matter how hard you try to shake it off, you fall in love with them. Your emotions swell up every time they are in the room. It’s so easy for you to talk to other people, but when you’re trying to talk to that person that you’re attracted to, OMG do the words seem to have the freaking hardest time making it out of your mouth. Before you have phone conversations, you rehearse all the things you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it…but once the conversation starts…F Y L.
Tunnel Vision is dangerous. Tunnel Vision blinds us, and makes us overcommit to a relationship that may or may not have some foundation to hold it in place. Tunnel Vision makes us think that this ONE GIRL or this ONE GUY is the ONE PERSON that you’re compatible with in the ENTIRE WORLD!!! And most of the times, it happens because we don’t really put ourselves out there, and so the moment we meet an interesting person that we find ourselves attracted to, WE CLING ON FOR DEAR LIFE.
Tunnel Vision is fine if the relationship works. But, overcommitting to a relationship before you KNOW there is mutual interest is REALLY dangerous. So how do you handle rejection? Here are some things I’ve learned along the way…not that…i’ve….been…rejected…that…many……..times.
FML.
1.) Avoid Tunnel Vision. I’ve already talked about this, but, the best way to handle rejection is to just avoid it all together. If you keep your emotions at bay, and commit little of your emotions before you know there’s something actually there (don’t fall in love with someone before you KNOW that they have interest in you as well), then you’ll be able to keep things in perspective and not get too heart broken when (and if) DTR ever happens and you find out that the person doesn’t like you at all. Keep your options open, don’t overcommit to one person.
2.) Keep Things in Perspective. THERE ARE SO MANY GUYS/GIRLS/OTHERS in this world, that honestly, one failed attempt isn’t the end of the world! DON’T FORGET that there is SO much that goes into attraction. All of us are, for some subconscious reason or another, attracted to a certain type of person. The layers of this are infinite: we all look for certain physical traits/characteristics, as well as emotional characteristics, personality characteristics, etc. There are ethnicity things to factor in, cultural aspects, religious/spiritual preferences, SEXUAL orientation preferences (pursuing a guy who is gay will probably not work out very favorable for you if you are a girl or visa versa)…I mean, the list of things to consider when you discuss attraction is endless.
So don’t take it PERSONALLY if someone doesn’t like you. It doesn’t mean you SUCK. It just means THIS ONE PERSON (out of the 6 billion people in the world) doesn’t like you. Even if you’re like my friend who got rejected 7 times, 7 girls is really not that many girls in the grand scheme of things. Well…7 in one day though…that’s…uh…something entirely different. Haha.
3.) RATIONALIZE why it wouldn’t have worked anyways. I know this is a cheap trick. But honestly, your brain is one of your STRONGEST allies when we deal with things like emotion. Our hearts go crazy, but our brains ground us. One of the best ways to deal with rejection is to, after it’s all said and done, force your brain to take over your thought making process (not that brain, guys).
So if you talk to someone, and you really liked them, but they don’t like you back…well let your brain do its thing. Let it convince you that there are many other girls/guys in the world. Let it convince you that, honestly, when you REALLY think about it, they weren’t that good for you anyways. Let your brain do some talking here, because it’ll help you cope with the pain of rejection. And if all else fails, go into your closet and cry.
