How to Forgive… and Kick The Negative to the Curb!

In keeping with the theme of “mending” this week:

All of us at some point deal with something or someone that pushes our buttons and makes us a little crazy.  It could be that one relative that seems to make a comment at every get together… that one comment that just reinforces your feeling of dislike for them.  You come to anticipate it and it makes you uncomfortable before you even arrive at the gathering.  We might spend the ride to the party thinking of witty comebacks and have some conversations in our own head — to make them stop.

Sometimes it is easier to hold onto a bond of resentment then to let it go and move on.  While it may be the easier road to travel, it certainly is not the healthiest.  Holding on is also a sign that we must “win”.  We must have the bigger comeback, put them in their place, or make them see how much of a jerk they are.  Chances are this person has no clue that they have even offended you.  Sometimes for me, it’s just a clash with that “special someone” who, in my mind, was put on this earth solely to push my buttons.

Fences can be mended in two ways:  In person and in your own mind.  It’s all a matter of being able to forgive someone.  When you are actually in an argument with someone, or there is a mutual “not-speaking” to each other, it’s probably a good thing to work this out in person.  At the very least, try to.  Saying I’m sorry doesn’t always imply you are admitting you are at fault, and forgiving someone does not mean that you have accepted their behavior, it simply means you are moving on from it.  It is no longer going to affect you.

Many times we harbor old feelings.  Somebody says something that sticks with us for what seems like forever.  Of course, they have long since forgotten what was said… but you hold that memory in your mind and replay it over and over like an old record.  Evvvvvery time you replay it, you reinforce your negative view of that person and it is a never ending cycle that may even lead you to hate that person.

It’s time to clean out that stack of old records!

Forgiveness tips:

1.  Let yourself grieve.  First and foremost we have to get to the point of being able to forgive someone.  Think about what is causing that grief.  Really feel your emotions. Let it piss you off.  Sit and think about it.  Understand how it makes you feel.  Explore your emotions and what they are doing to you mentally and physically.  Stomach aches, headaches, anxiety, anger, hatred, jealousy, fear… all these things make our bodies sick.  (I mean they literally make our bodies sick!  Our bodies have over 75 trillion alert, active and vibrating cells!  The higher or more our cells vibrate the better we feel and the healthier we are!  All of this negative stuff makes our cells vibrate at a low rate.  We’re in fact inviting poor health, disease, and sickness into our own bodies with negativity, anger, fear, jealousy, hatred and anxiety!!!!!!!!!!)

2.  Focus on forgiveness:  We are all human.  We all make mistakes.  That includes saying and doing stupid things.  These actions do not make up our complete persona.  Find the good about that person.  I know I’ve said and done stupid things… and I wouldn’t want someone holding that against me forever.

3.  We are all on our own path in life.  We all have our own lessons to learn in our own time.  Just don’t fall into the trap of saying, “I’ll be the bigger person and forgive them”… because you are elevating yourself above them and in this journey we’re not better than anyone else… we’re just learning different things at different times on different levels.  Mentally focus on positive things coming their way, and learning their lessons with good energy around them.  Pray for them.  Pray good thoughts for them, never bad.

4.  Be honest with yourself.  Did you do or say something that might have provoked or fed the situation?  Do you treat people with respect and listen to them?  Can you value their opinion even when it is different from your own?  Take responsibility for any part you may have had in the situation and make attempts to correct this in the future.

5.  Burn Baby Burn.  Write a letter (the person doesn’t even have to be alive to do this one!) 

In your letter get everything out on paper.  Be honest!  Talk about your anger, your hurt and all your emotions.  Let that person know how you feel about whatever it is that happened.  Now BURN IT.  Sit and watch it burn.  Focus on the fire, the smoke.  As your paper and your thoughts go up into the smoke, feel the release that the issue is over.  It is done with.  It has disbursed and you are now free from it!  (and if, in the future, you think of this situation again, simply bring your thoughts to something different, something positive and do not let yourself dwell on the negative.)  Remember… you have already let it go!  You watched it go up in smoke!

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound
to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. 
Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
~ Catherine Ponder

*Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or letting people walk all over you.  Forgiving is the ability to set yourself free from agonizing over something that you and your body do not need to agonize over.  You are meant to do something in this life!  You cannot go about on your journey if you are stuck in the negative and stuck in the past.

*Forgiveness takes inner strength.  It may be something you have to constantly remind yourself of.  Stick with it and when you feel the negative welling up… RE-FOCUS on something positive!  Acknowledge your feelings… but MOVE ALONG!