Do you feel nervous when thinking about networking at the upcoming conference or meeting? Do you feel anxiety about talking to scientists you don’t know well? You think they know much more than you. You are anxious they might think your questions are silly. You worry they will judge you, you feel like you are at an exam. You lose your confidence and feel like you are not good enough.
I have coached two of my private clients on this topic this past week! They both are going to attend a meeting this and next week and shared with me the above concerns. So I thought I’ll give you some of the tips that I shared with my private clients.
First of all let’s look at some worries you have about networking with other scientists you are hoping to do during a coffee break or lunch. You think they know much more than you do, that they will judge you, they’ll think you question is silly, and that they are much more confident than you. And this makes you feel less confident and often prevent from having a conversation all together.
The thing is that these thoughts are most probably not true. Most probably you know more about your area of research than that other person because you are the expert in your area. Yes, even if you are a PhD student. Most probably, the other person won’t think of judging you or your questions, as they have other things to worry about.
And even if this other person appears to be confident and know a lot, they might be also having their own worries of being judged or be nervous about networking. I know scientists who do appear quite confident and give engaging invited talks at conferences, but tend to get a bit nervous about having conversations during breaks with people they don’t know well.
As I have illustrated, your thoughts about other people judging you, being more confident and know more than you are probably untrue. So, it does not make sense to worry about something that is not even true!
Let’s now see how you can help yourself to start building your confidence for your next networking opportunity. You can start doing it by choosing to have other thoughts that are more helpful to you.
The following thoughts are much kinder and will help you feel less worried and more relaxed:
I am safe — I am clear — I am creative — I am an expert in my area — I am doing my best — I approve of myself
These are true or truer than the negative thoughts we discussed above and will help you make a shift to a more confident feeling.
Now that you mind is not preoccupied with worries about people judging you and how you will appear in front of them you can actually focus on listening to what this other person is saying. And this is the key to a being a good networker!
When you listen attentively, really listen soaking up their every word, being absolutely present in the moment and focused on a conversation – instead of worrying about people judging you – you will be able to hold a better conversation. When it is your turn to speak, you can then simply say: “This sounds interesting, tell me more about it” or “You mentioned this and that, can you explain what you meant by that?” You attention to the details will lead you through the conversation and make it deeper and more meaningful.
When it is your turn to speak about your area of research focus on making it understandable and clear, and on conveying your passion for what you do (If you are not passionate about what you do – we need to talk!
Your Productivity for Scientists assignment:
Getting ready to network at a conference or a meeting, start thinking more positive and kind thoughts than you are having right now. Focus on feeling safe, clear, that you are doing your best and you are the expert in your area. During the conversation, become present in the moment, paying attention to what the person is saying instead of worrying about what you are going to reply or what this person is going to think about your question. This will take you further through a more meaningful conversation!
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