A woman I know, and her friends are often making comments about how they “feel fat”, they have been eating “bad”, they’ve been “naughty” and it’s catching up to them… etc. These women have movie star bodies. They are well within “normal” in BMI standards, and they honestly have the kind of figure many women spend their lives dreaming of achieving.
This kind of situation used to really trigger my anger.
Here’s why: If women like that feel bad about their body, then how the hell am I supposed to feel? What does that say about what they think of me? What does that say about what others may think of me?! Not to mention, I’ve actually earned the right to call myself fat, because I am – and I’ve gone through a lot to reclaim it!!
That is not my response anymore. Though I’ll admit to a moment of annoyance and frustration – I am no longer angry at women who appear to be thin and still criticize their bodies.
Instead I feel really sad for their reality, and disgusted at the Diet Industry and our Society for making all women(men too) question their worth based upon how much they weigh.
Here are some reasons I feel the way I do:
*We are all in the same boat. I never realized how much that is true – but we are. We are all victims of the same 60 billion dollar per year diet industry which tries to convince us that only 5% of the population is healthy, worthy, beautiful, sexy, good enough, etc. It takes all of us – or at least most of us to buy in for the shaming to be an effective tool.
*I’ve lived the same reality in my head. When I lost 200 lbs. I was obsessed with losing another 10. I wanted so badly to be a certain size, or to see the scale say that magical number that would make me feel valid. Even after all of that weight loss, I still noticed my flaws more than anything else. My thighs were giggly, my arms waved, I had wrinkles, and my stomach wasn’t flat enough. As long as the idea of perfectionism can be perpetuated – and some of us buy into the belief that we can achieve it – no one will ever feel satisfied.
*They are missing out on life, just like I did. Preoccupation with weight, calories, working out, food and looking in the mirror is not living. It is all a way to avoid living – thin or fat, this obsession robs people of enjoying life just as it is. Looking at what worked in the past, what you still want to achieve(flatter tummy, better arms, just 5 more pounds…) and meticulously planning to achieve it all, makes it virtually impossible to live in the moment.
*Being angry creates distance between women – which really fuels the diet industry’s b.s. about good dieters, and bad. Us and them. Thin and Fat. It’s time to stand up and recognize that we have the power to change this, but not if we don’t find compassion for all realities first.
Simple words, but not always easy – especially if no one taught you how.
Some tips for you when hear someone(thin or fat) putting their bodies down:
- Find compassion and remember we all have our days when loving our body is a challenge.
- Share how you shake yourself out of that kind of self-talk. Do you make a gratitude list about all your body does for you? Do some yoga? Get some much needed rest? Cook a nice meal for one? Take a bubble bath? Get a massage?
- Tell the person how much it triggers your own body shame to hear someone complaining about their body, share how hard you’ve been working – and ask them to stop.
- Tell them it makes you uncomfortable.
- Ask them how they think it makes you feel when they share such things out loud.
- Ask them if they’d like to talk about why they feel that way with someone.
- Suggest a Buddy Spa Day!
- Offer a hug.
- Remind them that confidence in who we are is a hell of a lot more attractive than obsessing about calories and scales.
If you catch yourself going into self-criticism or loathing, see above tips.
Take 5 minutes and write down all of the things you love your body for right now! Better yet, leave it in the comment section – what would our day be like if we all actually said OUT LOUD the things we are proud of.
We hesitate and say, “It’s not polite to boast.” Yet we don’t think twice about putting ourselves down in front of others…
Today, I am so grateful for my fingers typing this – my brain thinking and my smile as I consider it all.
Now it’s your turn.
