This is not meant to actually be instructional...there are many who need no instruction at all. That being said, I know that we can all relate and have instances to share. I swear on the holy menu that all of these have really happened, although I'm sure you all know I couldn't make these things up.
1. Take up a table for half the afternoon and split a meal 3 ways. Yes, three adults split a 3 piece fish and chips entree (comes with waffle fries and slaw). One had coffee; the other two had water. This was after one of the people sat and waited (at the table of course) for the other two to arrive 30 minutes later proclaiming they weren't hungry because they just ate breakfast! Seriously. Why come at all?
2. Tell us that you're in a hurry and on a limited time frame and continue drinking free refills and chatting long after your check is dropped at the table and then pull out your credit card and wave it proclaiming loudly that you are in a hurry.
3. Leave an uplifting message or prayer book/ card instead of a tip. Yea, that's going to help pay some bills.
4. Bring in a 'Happy Meal' for your kids.
5. Pout because we can't make you a half order of something. If it is available in a smaller size it is stated on the menu.
6. Ask to have every item on the menu explained to you. The menu is self explanatory; descriptions of each item are right there in front of you.
7. Use the table-especially a prime one-to host a long business meeting over an iced tea or coffee. No food. Leave a $1.00 tip because 'after all, it was just coffee'. We are not renting office space; if you meet here-eat here. It is as simple as that.
8. Allow your kids to spit soda through the straw (at the server and/or all over the table), play with the sugar packets, shred napkins with the knives, and mix the salt and pepper together because they're entertaining themselves.
9. Wave your hands wildly at us while we are taking an order at another table. Better yet, walk up to us with your check and credit card while we are taking that order. (Please do the same for refills or any other item you need right at this exact moment)
10. Send us server back for more of everything you didn't want/need when you were asked in the first place; extra dressing, more sauce for your wings, chicken strips, cheese sticks, etc. Naturally this is to be done one item at a time.
11. Send the 6+ kids in your group to the bathroom to wash their hands. Ask us to retrieve said kids when food is served.
12. Read your mail, empty your purse, blow your nose and ask us to remove all this trash from the table because you don't want it there when your food comes.
13. Put all of the Splenda packets in your purse the minute we walk away and then ask for more. Yea, we know what you're doing.
14. Come in 15+ minutes after happy hour and demand happy hour prices because you were: here but waiting for a table/stuck in traffic/looking for a parking space/insert any other reason here.
15. Take both copies of the charge slip or the one with the tip written on it when you leave. Now we just took care of your table for free.
16. Tell us your kid didn't get the right side dish or correct cheese on their burger after we read your order back to you the way you/they gave it. Face it; they changed their mind and you don't want to deal with it so you choose to make it our problem.
17. Bring in that big gulp cup, order water and pour your friend's soda refill/carafe into your cup. If we say you; you're going to get charged. Period.
18. Change tables when the one you really wanted becomes open. Nine times out of ten it's not in our section.
