When making decisions, we often consider the impact on ourselves. This motivation is driven by a sense of individualism that is common in many western cultures. The individual is seen as central to the experience and thus choices are made based on how they will impact the individual. Consider the last major choice you had to make. What considerations influenced your decision? I'm willing to bet the first few considerations involved you as an individual, and were perhaps then followed by the impact it would have on a partner or family member. This unconscious tendency is fairly common in the U.S. and often leaves us without an understanding of the implications our choices may have on others. Interestingly, although most choices may seem individual in nature, they often have an impact on others if we stop to consider them more closely.
What would it mean, then, if we stopped asking how a decision would affect us as individuals and shifted our thought process to consider how it would impact the collective "us". Who is this "us" we speak of, then? At any point in time, we are engaged in relationships with others. These may be family relationships, work relationships, friendships, or even interactions with complete strangers on the subway. Regardless of our situation, we are rarely in a position where our decisions will only impact us. The impact on others may not be immediate, and it may not be entirely clear at first glance, but this simply provides us with an opportunity to consider our choices more deeply and take stock of differing perspectives.
Making this transition from "me" to "we" means, in part, beginning to rid ourselves of the notions of rugged individualism that have pervaded our society since the founding of this country. The "every man for himself" (and I use "man" intentionally to reflect the patriarchy we exist in) mentality has served to reinforce the myth of meritocracy in this country. The result has been persistent structural inequality at all levels, and the idea that everyone is engaged in a zero sum game. That zero sum mentality means we consistently consider the impact a choice will have on us, without deliberately considering others with any consistency.
If we can begin to more intentionally consider the "we" at any given point, we have an opportunity to shift our focus away from a zero sum mindset and consider how best to ensure equity for all individuals. The decisions we make each and every day involve a multitude of variables and are influenced by folks we know and many we don't. Truly realizing cultural change that positively influences everyone means asking how this impacts me less, and asking how it impacts us more. Where will you start?
