We had just moved into a new house, my little boy was 6 months old and I found out I was pregnant again, I was so happy. We found out we were having a little girl and I was over the moon as it meant I’d have one of each sex.
As I got bigger and the pregnancy got further on I kept looking at my son and couldn’t get my head around that he was still a baby, lying in his cot, yet I could feel another baby inside me. I didn’t think I could love a second baby. I loved my son too much to love another baby.
I went into labor and all the way through it all I wanted was my son, it was the first time I’d been apart from him .I even told the midwife to leave the baby there as i wanted to go home to my baby boy , which she replied “can you imagine the papers tomorrow if I’d let you go home and left the baby were it was” and then she giggled
My baby girl was delivered and I was sat holding her and I was totally shocked. I had this love for her, but felt so guilty to my little boy, like I was betraying him.
I was like this for about three weeks
I did everything feeding, dressing and caring for her but still I couldn’t figure out how to love her like I did my little boy when he was first born.
The apple of my eye, who was now 16 months old, I cuddled my daughter and did everything a mother should do, but still the love thing was so hard.
Then one day it just clicked
I was giving her a cuddle and looked into her big brown eyes and this over whelming feeling hit me.
It was the same feeling I had for my son and then it twigged, of course I can love both my babies the same at the same time.
But even now I can’t look at her birth pictures as I have no feelings for them. I don’t even have a birth picture up of her, but I do have one of my sons which I do feel guilty for. I can’t have a picture up of her as when I do look at them they just seem to be another person’s baby not my little girl who I love so dearly.
Yes my son is still my first born and he’s so very special, but so is my daughter, she’s my special princess and now 4 years later I love them just as much as each other.
