Your boyfriend want’s to move to another state for a job offer and you pick up you life and move.
- Job didn’t pan out.
- The guy doesn’t want to move back home or find another job. Hmmm…
- Your boyfriend pout’s because of his decisions and someone inherently makes this you fault.
Your BOYFRIEND Is Bad At Moving! He is also trying to make you miserable too!
Ultimatum: Go Home Or Leave Him Out There.
He doesn’t have your back! If you decide as a couple that moving will benefit you both and plan to make the leap than sacrifice and trust is involved. If there is no longer a motive then the whole decision seems like it started or came from a place other than positive. His decision to not move back after an extended period of time shows that he is not respecting what you had to sacrifice. It’s also immature and a little crazy.
Well….He just doesn’t understand what this is doing? Or he doesn’t get how his actions are affecting me?!
Like hell he doesn’t! If is smart enough to have ever had a job, then he is smart enough to know exactly what he is doing. He is a smart guy remember? Smart people can’t play stupid later it doesn’t work like that.
How can I make him see?
HE IS NOT BLIND! He sees, and knows what he is doing.
If he knows this and knows that things would even be better for him if he didn’t behave this way then why……
Because he is well an asshole as of now. Your not world travelers! You can’t teach your kids that this is normal.
Here is a question I answered similar to this topic:
Question:
Hello, Queen of advice!
I have been with my boyfriend for five years in September. I have three children, and two of them are his. My other child is from a prior relationship.
Recently, I have been pondering if I want to be with my boyfriend any longer. We moved two years ago because my boyfriend received a job offer. The job didn’t end up working out, and he still doesn’t want to move back. His current job has available positions where we used to live, and he would just be simply transferred into his new job.
I am away from all my family and friends. When I talk to his about this he acts like he doesn’t care. He also acts like he doesn’t love me at all like he used too. I am scared to leave because of the kids. Please tell me what to do??
I will thank you already, because your advice is one of a kind!
My Advice:
If what I am about to tell you doesn’t work. Then the answer to your question is summed up in one word: MOVE.
Before you make a drastic decision you need to go, “balls out,” with him. Get dirty, and let it all out. Tell him your not willing to live the way you are anymore. Say that you won’t let your children learn how relationships work by the actions of him towards you. This is not what you signed up for. I understand the reason for the move initially, but know there is no excuse for your guys not to move back home. I have a couple of theories why he won’t move.
- You want to move. Maybe he wants to be in control and the fact that he obviously didn’t care to check out if he could have his job in your prior location. It sounded to me like you were the one inquiring his company if his position would be available. If he would have said that he wanted to move back first, then maybe you guys would have because that would mean moving back was his idea.
gstatic.com images.
gstatic.com images.- He wants to trap you. I hope this isn’t the case, but since he is no longer respecting your feelings is a good indicator he is using your pain to take advantage of you. He doesn’t want you around your family because they have your back and support you. You can rely on your family and friends for help. Your boyfriend wants to be your number one way to stay afloat. He doesn’t want or care for you to have a support system. It seems like he may know he is a jerk, and is trying to manipulate the situation in order for you to think you can’t make it in life without being with him.
- The absence of love is used to make you feel inadequate. Not showing love or compassion towards you is a tool he uses to make you feel insecure. When you feel insecure about yourself your more likely to think no one will want you, or your not good enough. If he breaks you down enough he might make you believe that you don’t deserve love, or to be happy. The reason he isn’t very affectionate is to make you feel devalued and worthless. He wants you to think that he is the only man who will be with you.
- He needs professional help. He might be depressed, or have some kind of imbalance in his body. People with psychological problems discover the root is caused by something physically off balance in their body all the time. It could be his testosterone is low, to his sugar levels are too high. If he won’t go to see a therapist, ask him to get a simple check up and blood test to make sure everything is ok with him physically. Your boyfriend might also be depressed or had developed some kind of problem that affects how the brain works. Adults develop odd behaviors and make decisions that are not in there nature due to a problem in brain functioning. An anti-depressant prescribed by a psychiatrist could be beneficial if that is the case.
- He is cheating. He wants to stay where you live because he is cheating on you with someone who lives in your current area. Purchases a small voice activated recorder and put it under his seat. The recorder turns on at the sound of a voice. They are reasonably priced, depending on what you want. The voice activated recorders cost anywhere between $30.00-$200.00. See what he is saying and who he is talking to in his car.
Now that you have the reasons he is doing this, here is the last resort before moving written below. I am going to role play what you should say to your boyfriend. I am going to use Mark for your boyfriends name and Stacy for your name to better illustrate my intention in using this exercise.
Stacy: Hey Mark I really need to talk to you (stern and serious tone)
Mark: What? I don’t feel like doing this. Why is there always a problem? (annoyed angry tone)
Stacy: I am not happy anymore Mark. Maybe I am crazy, but I don’t recognize you anymore. You don’t’ treat me like the woman you love anymore. You don’t care about what I have to say and how I feel. I break over backwards for you, and you show me no respect. I hate living here because I live you who is against me, and have no one else. If I was around my family and put up with your actions, at least I would have them to turn too.
Mark: Shut up! you know why we moved..whatever (careless tone with little attention toward her)
Stacy: Mark if we don’t move back home in the next three months I am taking the kids and moving back home without you. I am also not going to be with you anymore if we don’t go into counseling.
Mark: Your the one that needs counseling! I do everything for you.
Stacy: Well maybe I am the one who is crazy and in order to get the help I need I need to be closer to the family. To be the best mom I can be I need to move back home and be with the man I was with before you started acting this. I have already make plans for me and the kids in case you don’t want to do this. I am not trying to make you or force you to do something. This is an emergency! Our family will drown if we don’t move and get counseling. Let me know your decision by tomorrow.
If he agrees but still won’t go to counseling or move in three months leave. Already, have everything planned in advanced to leave. Your kids will be happy well adjusted people in the future by having a happy mom that shows her children what is right by her example. You can tell your kids whatever you want but what you do it what they will learn is listen too.
Happy mom + happy dad= happy kids. Where mom and dad are located while they are happy and mentally stable.
You know what to do. Don’t teach this kind of lifestyle to your kids. No matter how fake you act, or how much you try to pretend everything is fine; your kids won’t buy it.
My Best advice would be to ultimately prepare yourself to move. Pain is temporary, but long time suffering is long and never ending.
Good luck. I know you knew in your mind and heart what to do before you asked me for advice.
