Cameron
Casey 11 and Cameron 10 went to their dads for the weekend; we had Social Services involved last year regarding contact as he was emotionally abusing the children. For weeks they had supervised contact until the social worker decided my ex-husband was safe to be unsupervised.
I did not agree with her, she blamed my own experiences with him, said they were clouding my judgment of him. She even suggested I meet with him regularly to have a social chat, perhaps over a coffee.
The man, who stalks my nightmares, has caused so much hurt and pain, the abuser who stole my self-esteem and confidence and turned a bright and assertive young girl into a nervous wreck.
I became his victim; under his control I was ruled.
How could I ever think that man was safe?
For 11 year years he abused me, in every way possible.
When I finally escaped, I thought I was free from his clutches, but that was not true. He still holds some control over my life, the three children we share.
I will forever be emotionally scared, forever be afraid but have tried my best to ensure the children are never caught up in my fear of their father.
They went as they do most weekends, I waved them off.
The following evening they returned. I knew something was terribly wrong the moment they opened the front door.
They were white, shaking and sobbing.
It took a while to get the story from them because they were sobbing too much to talk.
Cameron had asked for a plaster, in the downstairs toilet his dad had put one his finger. The plaster came off so he had asked for another.
His dad had been doing something and on his phone and was annoyed to have to get up and get another plaster, he uttered his annoyance but went towards the downstairs toilet again, Cameron followed.
Cameron had told his dad it wasn’t his fault the plaster wouldn’t stick.
His dad lost his temper; he lashed out by punching him the stomach.
Cameron fell back, was winded.
Scared and confused he ran into the living room where Casey was, she had heard her dad shouting and had come to see what was happening.
“Cameron just ran into the living room screaming that dad had punched him” she told the police later.
As he struggled to catch his breath he suffered a panic attack, he couldn’t stop crying
His dad annoyed at his drama and crying sent him to bed, when Casey followed he warned her if she followed him she could stay there too.
“My brother was hurt, I wanted to help him” she explained to the police
Upstairs they sat together, after a while the put the TV on.
Their dad went up and told them that because it was his house, his TV and it was him that paid the bills they were not to use his TV. He turned it off and warned them no noise and not to return downstairs until it was time to go home, some 6 hours later.
Casey had been so scared that she had hid under the bed.
Time had passed, they do not know how long, but they were hungry. Cameron had sat on the stairs as look out while Casey bravely crept downstairs and into the kitchen, where she grabbed bread and the jar of chocolate spread, grabbing a knife from the draining board as she ran past.
Back upstairs she made herself and Cameron a sandwich, then hid the stolen items in the bedroom.
She told the police when later questioned that she had tried to phone 999 but her battery was dead, she was too scared to try to somehow get her dads mobile to phone them.
Time passed and he told them to get downstairs, made to sit at the kitchen table while he screamed at them.
They were a mistake, he wished he had never had them, how they ruined his life.
Throwing their coats at them he told them he never wanted to see them again, they were dead to him and they were to change their surnames as he did not want them sharing his.
He then set off to bring them home. Half way he pleaded with them not to tell me. Asked if they wanted to go back to his so they could play games, buy some sweets. They asked to just be taken home.
Then the kids fell through the front door.
The police were called. They took a statement from each of them separately; having to listen to my children replay what had happened to them was gut wrenching.
Three weeks passed and their dad went in for questioning, denied any intention to hurt.
Cameron was asked to give video evidence, he did.
This morning the child protection team phoned me, they will not be taking any further action; my ex-husband has walked away a free man.
I had to sit my children down and explain how our system is flawed. They do not understand.
I cried, they held me.
“Don’t worry mum” Casey told him “I am here to look after you, I can help you do the housework and make you cups of tea and I can make you smile again”.
“We don’t need dad” Cameron told me “We have you and Matt”.
I broke down. I am angry, frustrated and numb.
The children don’t want any contact with their dad but the 14 year old does. I can’t stop her from going but the other two are angry that she would want to after what he has done to them.
I know I have to stay strong, but it’s so hard.
Where is the support for two emotionally abused children? Nobody needs to tell me how verbal and emotionally abuses damages you, look at me.
I do not want my children to become like me.
Had there have been injuries or a witness things could have been different. They are telling me that until their father actually breaks one of their bones they can do nothing to stop him?
He will know now that he’s got away with it and I know he will smile, as he always did when he had hurt me.
Is it any wonder some take the law into their own hands when we have a system that fails vulnerable women and children.
