An early sunrise walk at Rosemarkie Beach, on the Scottish Highlands.
Lately, I have been giving a lot of thought to the delicate balance of having versus being. What's more important at this point in my life? What would be more fulfilling? How will my priorities affect my possibilities in the future? It is a complicated, matter, indeed.
Coming from a country -Mexico- heavily influenced by the American mentality and culture, our society puts a big, overwhelming emphasis on having. Most people's ideas of success is based on having what is considered the "essentials" of an accomplished and respectable person: a modern car, a house or nice apartment, expensive clothes and the latest gadgets.
Last week I turned 29, a number that ―scaringly― sounds firmly planted into adult territory already. Sometimes I look at my friends who have "normal" jobs that they started right after university, and can't help but feel some lingering uneasiness when comparing their current situation to mine. They all have what seems to be a clear direction on their lives, they are forming families, buying houses, getting good money to build the foundation of a secure and steady future. In short, they seem to be living like adults. Meanwhile, I find myself still living the life of a student: I don't own anything, have no attachments, a limited budget and a complete lack of that feeling of "settling down". People ask me about what I plan to do or work on when I'm finished with my PhD, and I honestly have no idea. I mean, I don't even know which country I will be living in in a couple of years! Welcome to the nomadic life of science research―and sometimes I even wonder if that's what I really want to do with my life.
Life has a good sense of irony, though. Some of my well-established friends, in contrast, have confessed to envying the amount of personal freedom that I have now. Travelling and exploring, experiencing all sorts of little adventures; having the freedom to spend your money on yourself as you please, and simple things like having a fun night out with friends are things that can become really complicated when jobs, bosses, family and kids enter the picture. Even small things like not having to be subject to a certain dress code or schedule can have a big impact in one's sense of fulfillment. I think the main difference between their lifestyle and mine is that them, as adults with more mature responsibilities and a family, are held accountable not only for themselves, but also for others.
I have also noticed that, in contrast to last year, I have been spending most of my money on experiences, rather than material possessions. These days my budget goes towards things like trying new food at international restaurants, taking courses, buying books, going to the cinema and exhibitions, and my favorite activity: traveling. This year alone, so far, I've been to Israel, Switzerland, England and Scotland, and there are still so many places waiting in my bucket list!
I am in a point in my life where I feel an insatiable need to learn, experience and become someone I can be proud of. It all stems from a need to make a last sprint to grasp the chance to explore my potential, work on myself and strive to be the best person I can be, living my dreams to the fullest.
These days I find my fulfillment in a candy floss-pink sunset, or a new and interesting flavor combination; the sight of an unfamiliar and novel landscape, the smell of a new city, the feeling of euphoria after a long run through the forest, and Guitar Güero's bright blue eyes in the summer light, are all wonderful gifts that I treasure dearly. And yet, I find myself caught in Roy Batti's famous Tears in Rain reflection:
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe [...] All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die."
The most beautiful moment of my favorite movie, Blade Runner.
I have nothing to show for all these years, but a heart full of memories that only I know. Do you share that same feeling? What is your personal scale tilting towards?
Thank you for reading!
-------------
NOTE: I haven't forgotten about the next Bowie post! It's coming, I promise.
