Diaries Magazine

Halloween Recap

By Parentalparody @parental_parody

Halloween recap

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So an update on how Halloween went last week. ONE group of trick or treater's showed up semi-voluntarily. A friend who saw my Facebook post and bought her kids around. I think she felt sorry for me. I even went all out and decorated the house via sticky taping a limp orange balloon to the letter box so people would know we were open for business. At one point, while taking rubbish out to the bin, I saw a couple of kids walk up to the balloon, and then start to walk off. Probably equating the lame decoration to lame treats. So I screamed down the driveway (we have a long driveway). "WAIT! DO YOU WANT LOLLIES? I'VE GOT LOLLIES!  CHOCOLATES? I'VE GOT THEM TOO - THE GOOD ONES! COME HERE! COME TO MYYYYYY HOUSEEEEE!" Needy, much? I apologize to anyone within a 2 block radius, whose ears may have bled thanks to my extremely loud, whiney begging. Thank the Vodka Gods it was Halloween, otherwise policemen would've likely been the next people to knock at my door, on account of the hysterically screaming woman trying to entice kids to her door via candy and chocolates. Remember, I was also in my best crazy head shaving Britney trashy mother costume (AKA a week old tracksuit with food stains all over the shop, hair undone, barefoot, glass of wine in hand). The three kids were understandably dubious. But they slowly made their way up the driveway. I ran inside, stupidly excited beyond any reasonable measure, and returned brandishing a pumpkin plate full of treat bags for the three kids that had suddenly grown to at least 10 kids. Those lolly bags were snapped up quicker than you can say OMG THIS MUST BE HOW OCTOMOM FEELS EVERY FREAKING DAY. All it took was one single group of kids to clean me out. Which, I know, I should be pleased about since I spent Thursday night writing my FFS!? Friday post about how nobody had come yet (the post was written around 7pm Halloween night), and how disappointed I would be. But I had kind of come around to the idea of eating all of the things myself. Not to go all emo on you, but, Halloween is a double edged sword, my friends. The highs and excitement of finally having trick or treater's. The overwhelming sense of dread, come 8pm, realising that I have nothing left.  And what am I supposed to do if more kids come to my door? Which was quickly followed by blind panic as I ripped through my pantry, looking for anything that may qualify as a treat, throwing together some very lame goody bags with plastic spiders, chocolate biscuits, and random exceptionally aged vintage lolly pops found at the back of a shelf. I'm not going to say it was a total failure. But it was a pretty crappy night. Especially when I was talking to a friend at school the next day, and she said her kids scored COLD HARD CASH from their neighbours. Next year I am donning my Britney best again, and taking the kids to her place with money boxes instead of treat bags. I'm hoping to score enough for a cask of wine. Fingers crossed. 

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