Developing the ability to have healthy expectations can be tricky, we all desire certain characteristics in a mate but we have to learn which ones we can do with and which ones we can do without. Realistically speaking, no one will ever meet all of your expectations and you most likely won’t meet theirs. Setting your expectations to high will lead to disappointment and setting them to low will also lead to disappointment. So we need to find someone who shares our core values. If you’re family oriented, you would want someone who has a strong sense of family and if you’re independent, you would want someone who is also independent. Trust me we got a lot of grown ass babies running around here who refuse to remove the pacifier that their parents firmly placed in their mouth. You have to be on the same page, remember you are what you attract. So if you’re “out there”….you will attract others who are ”out there”.
When our expectations become too high, we end up suffering from the grass is greener syndrome that keeps you searching for the perfect mate and always dating with the logic that there is something better out there, the perfect person who has everything you desire! Well in order to find the perfect mate you must in some form be perfect yourself and since there’s no such thing as the perfect person you basically waste your time searching for people who don’t exist, you’re looking for little mystical creatures who live in the woods where everything is perfect…they do not exist either, but hey I don’t venture into the woods to often. When we set our expectations to low we end up settling for something that we never truly wanted. We say to ourselves, ok he/she is lacking some key values I’m looking for but I’m not dating anyone else so I’ll give it a try…..5 months later you’re unhappy and realize that this person is not the one for you…..no shit! Don’t lower your expectations or your standards for anyone, especially when your expectations are healthy. Also keep in mind you can’t expect anything from anybody if you don’t possess that quality yourself. You can’t expect someone to be honest and you’re currently starring in the broadway version of Pinocchio.
As we evolve, we begin to reflect on pass relationships and how they affect us, how they strengthen us, and what we learned from the experience. We also learn to always expect the unexpected; people aren’t always in your life for positive reasons and everybody won’t make it for the long haul. You learn when to hold on, when to let go and you choose your battles wisely. So when it comes to expectations, I like to make 2 list, one for my core values (employed, independent, family oriented, good social skills, honest, respectful etc.) and one for qualities I would like but not necessarily required (millionaire, AMEX black card, house in the Hamptons, one brown eye and one blue eye, etc.) My core values are important and I refuse to settle for anything less than that. Another list I suggest is the Ex-Factor list, in which I listed my ex’s, and what qualities they possessed good and bad. I guarantee if you create this list and if you’re honest with yourself, you will pick up on specific patterns about the people you attract into your life. If you make a list and it contains 120 core values and traits you expect someone to meet, then you may want to buy yourself a puppy and prepare for your journey of being alone. You have to have healthy expectations, keep an open mind, an open heart, and remember that some of the best things in life are unexpected Think about what it is you want for yourself and think about what it is you expect from someone else. If the path you take constantly leads you to unhappiness and heartbreak than maybe you should change paths. You may have great expectations but make sure someone can actually meet them.
