Hello AB
Several months ago I hid in the dustbin to surprise my bin man boyfriend. He hasn’t turned up yet and it is beginning to pong in here. Do you think I should get out?
Marian, Penzance
Dear Marian
That’s the trouble with bin men,who like sailors,have a girl in every port. In your case this guy would appear to have a girl in every bin. The complex nature of “the round”, the cuts in funding and the existential angst that runs in the gene of the bin man could mean one of three things :
He’s forgotten about you and moved on/he’s lost his job/he’s been put on another round in another district and you’ll never see him again.
Leave your humble surroundings and after a quick rummage to see if anything edible remains, creep quietly to the local slipper baths for a good hose down.
If people comment on your putrid and dishevelled appearance just explain you lost your heart to the local bin man.They’ll understand. You are not the first to do so and you certainly won’t be the last.
A good bet would be the fella who delivers the “Bettawares” catalog. These guys are so desperate for orders and so used to disappointment that nothing will stop him from returning week after week after bloody week as long as you promise to buy the “Bettawares” patent Spider Catcher/Milk bottle stopper/tea caddy holder/plastic thing with a point on the end that can be used for virtually anything, but nobody really knows what (but it’s good to know it’s in the kitchen cupboard).
AB
