Getting Over Hopeless Infatuations

It sucks to be stuck in a hopeless infatuation. In a scenario like this, a person is in love with a girl or guy that he/she knows it will never work out with because the person is bad for them, and yet this person can’t help himself/herself. In the case of a hopeless infatuation, you know that you know it’s really not going to work, but you literally can’t help but want it. So bad. Like I wanted to watch the show “Chippendales” in Las Vegas, until I found out that it has nothing to do with squirrels and everything to do with men dancing in the nude. You really can’t tell by the pictures…

Hopeless Infatuation scenarios:

1. Guy/girl is in a profession that is something that you know will cause problems in the future, or maybe guy/girl doesn’t have a job at all, and this is a problem for you.
2. Guy/girl has some sort of “deal-breaker” aspect to them. He/she may be addicted to drugs, gambling, or…maybe he/she is a “player”, and you know it…but you still want it. Like Red Velvet Cupcakes…omg…I want one so bad right now.
3. Guy/girl and you have some serious incompatibility issues. You guys are always arguing, always disagreeing about things…but…yet…you want it so bad. (Is this getting old yet? hahaha)
4. Guy/girl you are interested in does not like you back. (Similar to the Tree Chopping Concept…), except in this case, there is like almost no hope at all for the relationship to ever progress, no matter how much you chop away at the tree.
5. Guy/girl is married, or is dating a close friend of yours…although…really, this isn’t a “hopeless” infatuation. It should be. You bad people. I know the the old maxim: “just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score!” Unless I’m the goalie. I got quick reflexes, fool.

In any of these scenarios, either you are #1. dating the person that you know it will never work out with or #2. really like the person you know it will never work out with (but aren’t dating).

For friends of people who are stuck in hopeless infatuations, it’s aggravating. No matter how many times you talk to him or her about how it’s never going to work, and how they need to get over it and be done with it already..they never listen! You know, the problem with dating and relationships is that, really, people never listen. It’s funny because when we give other people advice, we’re like freaking Confucius and crap…we give amazing advice that is filled with wisdom. “Hey Sarah, you really shouldn’t date that drug dealer. He’s so bad for you! He’s going to end up in jail, or (insert moment of sagacity here)…” and then a few months later, this same girl who just gave this excellent advice is in a relationship with a male stripper, who stars in the show “Thunder From Down Under” from Vegas, and has ginormous……..pectoral muscles, large hands and…other…large…things…that…hang…from his body…like…arms…(and no i did not mean his penis looks like a third arm…although…i guess maybe it can?)

Not that I’ve ever seen the show or anything. And WHY DO I KEEP TALKING ABOUT MALE STRIPPERS? WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?

…

We’re so good at giving advice, but we’re so bad at taking advice. This is because it’s easy to “tell” someone to stop liking another person…when you’re not the one that likes the person. The realm of theory and practicality only gets you so far…for most of us, our feelings often get the best of us. Or in the case of men…we live by this creed: WWPD. (What Would Penis Do?)

And yet, the reality is, these infatuations are usually pretty bad for us. In both cases, whether you’re someone who likes another person and you keep pursuing them even though you know they are a bad match for you (yes, if they just quite simply don’t like you at all, it qualifies at a bad match), or whether you’re in a relationship that you know is bound to fail…they really screw with you emotionally. The worst part about these infatuations is that most of the times, people who are in these situations are in denial. We keep telling ourselves, “it MIGHT” work. And that small glimmer of hope is enough to keep us…hoping.

So how do you get over hopeless infatuations?

1. Admit that it’s not going to work. Denial is the greatest barrier to getting over any addiction. That’s what my high school guidance counselor told me anyways, when she tried to convince me to stop eating Red Velvet Cupcakes. I think she recently got fired for getting caught with drugs. Good thing she told the newspaper reporters that she only does it sometimes, and that she’s not addicted. I was worried about her for a second.
2. Listen to the advice of people around you, especially if they’re honest with you. Even though most of it is hypocritical advice that they probably wouldn’t apply to their own lives if they were in the same situation…WHO CARES! It’s important to listen to the people around us who care…even if sometimes they may be a dick about it, especially if they’re like me and they are candid (sometimes…). “Dude, get over it, she doesn’t like you.” The problem with us…is that most of us only want to hear what we want to hear. Something along the lines of…”You should keep trying!” Even when you know the guy is a douche.
3. Stop talking to the person that you’re infatuated with. Sometimes, you just gotta let it go completely. Every time you talk to them, you think about the relationship, and that thought (even though it usually starts really small), quickly blossoms into a torrent of raging emotion. There comes a point in every failed relationship where, sometimes, you just have to end things completely to be able to move on.
4. Win the psychological battle. There’s always a war that’s going on in our mind about what to do in situations like these. We weigh all the reasons why we “should keep doing it” and then all there reasons why “we should not be doing it”. Win the battle. Give yourself more reasons why it’s a bad idea than a good idea.
5. FOR MEN: CUT OFF YOUR PENIS. Okay, maybe not literally, cause that would be some freaking sadistic freaky-deeky shiza, but stop letting your penis do all the thinking, and listen to your heart and mind…sometimes.

Honestly, the best advice that I can give anyone that’s stuck in a hopeless infatuation, is to just do what you would tell someone else (who is in your EXACT situation) to do. We all know the right answers. We all KNOW when something is a bad idea. As difficult as it is to administer a little self discipline in situations like this…honestly, the best way to get over this kind of crap is to do what you KNOW you should be doing. Which, of course, is to have a one night stand and then move on with your life.

I GIVE GREAT ADVICE, HUH?

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