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Naturally, all of my veg will resemble rudey bits
One single Friday night in front of the TV has inspired me.
A single 8 minute gardening segment on a home and living TV show (Better Homes and Gardens, for the Aussies), and I’m going all DIY organic and shit.
I’m composting my own compost (right?).
I’m drying the seeds from all the veg I force feed The Feral Threesome, so that I may reproduce it all in my humble vege patch.
In line with my green thumbedness, I plan to use the money I’ll be saving on something important and worthwhile.
Vodka
What? If I knew how to grow Vodka I would.
See, attempting to grow vodka. My very own hybrid / cross-breed
I picture a flourishing vege patch where my well behaved, clean, Mandarin speaking children happily pick snow peas and silverbeet to delicately snack on when they are in need of sustenance between violin lessons and swim team practice.
My husband will be tending the garden, muscles glistening from the effort of turning soil.
Clearly, #1Hubby's stunt double
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I will be inside getting hammered on all the extra Vodka in my liquor cabinet.
The last time I watched this same TV show (approximately 6 years ago), I decided we needed a DIY below ground fish pond in our teeny tiny courtyard.
What Jamie Durie did in one 10 minute segment, I did in THREE BLOODY MONTHS.
My pond never hosted a single goldfish.
Or water.
After two years it was removed and replaced with a sandpit for the kids.
So I’m taking bets on how long it will take me to kill the vege patch, replacing it with a fetching collection of weedus maximus, thus ruining my current dreams and visions?
I just knew I should’ve stuck with my usual Friday night routine of necking wine while watching The Real Housewives of all the world….
Still, I will persevere. Because it's all about the
If all else fails, I will learn the cultured art of hedge shaping
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