- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feels so good.
- A holiday is a day a man stops doing what his boss wants and starts doing what his wife wants
- Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours
- Credit cards have made buying easier and paying harder
- Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike
- We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up.
- The longer it takes you to make a meal, the lesser your child will like it.
- All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.
- Husband: do you know the meaning of WIFE. It means, Without Information Fighting every-time! Wife: it could also mean-Withe Idiot For Ever.
- A man to a friend: My wife and I have a joint account. I deposit and she draws it.
- The only time a husband is right is when he admits he is wrong.
- Before marriage man holds the hand of a girl out of love. After marriage, he holds her hand in self-defense
- To be happy with a man, understand him a lot and love him little. To be happy with a woman, love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
- When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
- An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
- I always arrive late to office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment
- Kiss defined by a physicist: the contraction of mouth due to expansion of the heart.
- Summer is the time when it is too hot to do the jobs it was too cold to do all winter.
- I don't have a solution but I admire the problem
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that is a hardware problem
- I'm not in favor of senseless Microsoft bashing. I'm in favor of bashing Microsoft senseless.
Also See:
Funny Irony Figure of Speech Examples: I yelled at 5 of my friends who called me while I was reading the book "how to make friends and keep them all through the life"
Funny Zeugma Figure of Speech Examples:New Year resolution for computer engineers: I will stop sending email, ICQ, Instant messages and be on phone at the same time with same person.
Funny Onomatopoeia Figure of Speech Examples: Vroom, Squeeze...
Procatalepsis Figure of Speech Examples: You may ask, You may think...
Funny Pun Figure of Speech Examples: Patient: "Doctor, doctor my sister thinks she is a lift!"
Doctor: "Well, tell her come in". Patient: "I can not, she does not stop at this floor!"
Funny Chiasmus Examples: A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well
