Children go through this unpleasant phase with an unpleasant sounding name. It was aptly named so by Freud, who was, himself, stuck in the anal phase. The anal phase is that period of time where children become aware of their body and how hilarious bodily functions are. Poo and wee are their favorite words and they are in absolute stitches when they hear the word “knickers”. The truth is, most of us never quite outgrow that phase, but at least many of us do have the decency to not talk about this in public. We go from being small kids who find it hilarious to trump in public and proudly announce that we are the creators of that noxious smell, to being bigger kids who still find it hilarious to let one rip and then quickly hide behind the fruit and vegetables to see if anybody notices. Really, Freud seemed to have been quite apt in his description of the anal phase, when you think about it like that. So, why not enthral your children, nieces or nephews with some fantastic and fun facts about pumps? You will, by far, be the coolest dull grown up on the planet.
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Why Do They Stink?
Pumps stink. No matter how many times someone says it’s all bark and no bit, they are still gasses and they stink. But why exactly do they? Basically, it is because they are full of mercaptans and hydrogen sulphide, both containing sulfur. Then, there are the parts that are full of nitrogen (bet that makes you feel explosive), including indole and skatole. The more sulfur you have in your diet, the more your gasses will stink. So, stay away from eggs, cauliflower and meat. They do say beans make you fart like a trooper, but that is actually the one product that produces a lot of gas but not a lot of smell.
Why Do They Make a Noise and Is there a Link between Noise and Smell?
Our bodily functions are noisy. For kids, the noisier, the better. For older kids – also known as adults – the quieter the better, otherwise you can’t sneak away behind those vegetables mentioned earlier. The noise comes from the vibrations in the opening of your anus. Depending on how hard you expel the gas and how tight your sphincter is, it will come out more or less noisy. So no, the noise does not come from your butt cheeks flapping.
Interestingly, a stinky one seems to be warmer and a lot quieter than non-stinky ones. They do say that certain expulsions are silent but deadly. Basically, the vast majority of your gas comes from air that you have swallowed. The main gases in these are carbon dioxide and nitrogen, which is not particularly smelly. Naturally, they do pick up some less than rosy smells on the way to your anal passage. Once they come out, they are basically bubbles at the same temperature as your body. It is possible to make some awesome sounds with these, but they are not particularly smelly. However, the other type of parp is the one that comes through bacterial action. Bacteria ferment in your body and heat is a by-product of this fermentation. The other by-product is a stinky gas. These bubbles are usually very small, very hot in temperature and they are full of the metabolic products from the bacteria. These are the silent but deadly ones we all love. However, because they are so small, it is hard to create a real sound with them, but the smell… enough said!
If you have a child that loves our gross bodily functions, or if you are simply stuck in the anal phase yourself, there are games you can get to play. Think, for instance, of the horrible science kits and you will get my meaning.
