Friday’s Letters: My Life Would Suck Without You

Dear Joe
Ever since I’ve met you I have never felt more myself and at home before. With you, everything feels whole and natural and easy.
I love that you say I’m funny and I love hearing you laugh at my stupid jokes. I can’t wait to spend the weekend with you. And the weekend after that. And the weekend after that.
PS. Thank you for having lots of hair. I know I joke about baldness a lot, but I’m just thankful you will NEVER go bald.

Dear LC
Maybe it’s because it’s getting colder, but you’d think with all that extra fur you’re sporting around you’d be able to generate your own body heat. You sleeping ON ME isn’t exactly the most comfortable thing for me. You sleeping on my back or my chest, on my legs and every nook you can squeeze your rotund self into just can’t go on. I’m sorry, but it just can’t.

Dear Andre
I’m sorry I haven’t given you much freedom this week, but I do promise that since your dad and I are staying in all weekend, you’ll be free as a bird this weekend.

Dear Eurovision
It’s the time of the year again and the Serbian blood pumping through my veins are extra excited. I hope you’ve got a good act this year, since I wasn’t very impressed with last year’s performance. I’m still in love with 2012′s song.
PS. I am aware that Australia isn’t part of Europe, so I apologize on behalf of Australia for Jessica Mauboy’s presence there this year.

Dear New Things
(particularly my new heart vase) I am in love with you ALL! I’m also so thankful to be able to afford to buy you – not on credit – and still be able to pay for my home, food, car and social outings.

Dear Life
Thank you for being so darn good to me. I am forever grateful.

Dear Ex
So it has been reported to me that you are talking smack about me on social media. You’re now in your 30′s and I just don’t understand why you choose to act like you’re in your early-20′s. Perhaps dating one that age answers all those questions, but I just home you grow a brain and act your age and less high school.

Dear B
I can’t believe we have a few weeks left together. It makes me so sad knowing you’re not close by and our dates won’t be as often as I like to. I’m going to take up most of your calendar from now til we go. I loved our wifey/gusband date in Paddington on Thursday night. We need more of those please.

Dear Bell
You are a delight! Like a sunny day in the middle of winter. Extra whip cream on a chocolate sundae. And your favorite song playing on the radio after not hearing it for YEARS! I like seeing your smiley face on a Wednesday and whispering about other people and just laughing at random things when it’s just you and I in the office. Looking forward to more interracial conversations with you in the near future.

Dear New Blender
You are my NEW love. Oh how I’m looking forward to spending some time with you this winter.

Dear Universe
I often think, since you’ve been so good to me every week, I wish there was so some way for me to give back as thanks for giving me a beautiful home, a wonderful man, hilarious animals, fabulous friends, a well-paid job and all the good things life has to offer. But I know you wouldn’t ask, so I’m just being the best human being I can be and since I’m receiving great things in my life day in and day out, I must be doing something right.