Originally posted on Thought Catalog:
Dear American,
As all the world's sports fans are consumed the next month in World Cup hysteria and you're left scratching your head wondering what the hell is going on, I want you to know one thing - you're not alone.
It's not your fault. It's a defect we were born with, engrained in our heritage just as our linguistic repertoire has separated us from the rest of the world with the irrevocable stain that is 'soccer.'
But once every four years, we desperately try, like a newborn babe mouthing for a nip, to assimilate with the rest of the human race in World Cup fandom.
Therefore, after extensive research and questioning my foreign friends, I thought I'd take this opportunity to school the avid 'once a fourth-year' aficionado like myself on the structure of the World Cup so that you can, if not authentically at least seemingly authentic, keep...
