Five For Friday: Char-a’tee Pryce

Yes, I have been slacking on my interview segment. I promised myself I would get a bunch of interviews lined up and ready to roll for 2013. But that was in 2012, when I was behind the 8-ball on just about everything. So instead of admitting how unprepared I am, I’m going to flip it around and be “creative” instead. Why not, right?

My guest today pops right from the pages of my novel, The Girl, the Gold Tooth & Everything. It’s not Mina, because, while you may or may not know this, people with amnesia give dreadful interviews. It’s not Alex, because of course cagey people make horrible interview subjects as well. So let’s hope third choice is a charm. And how could she not be. This character was Mina’s core. Kept her grounded and, well, sane… Maybe… Please put your hands together and welcome the incomparable, the indomitable Char-a’tee Q. Pryce!

Yes, this is Mo’Nique but this is exactly who came to mind in writing Char-a’tee! So just play along, okay?

1. I’m so honored you could join us today, Ms. Pryce. I’m such a big fan! I mean, I know technically I wrote you and everything. But to be honest, I have no idea where you came from. I mean, you weren’t even in the original plan I had for the book. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Hmmph.

Can you elaborate on that?

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Okay…?

Third choice? Third? For realz? Shee-it. Ain’t no one more important to that story than me and you know it. Not Lily. Not Stalin. Not no one.

Well, technically Lily, or Mina, is the protagonist. And it is a story about her vague, suspicious relationship with Alex, who you call Stalin, among other names, so…

Well that may be, but I give the book color. Texture! Without Char-a’tee Pryce, no one would ever read past chapter 6.

2. I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. But let’s talk about your name. You really do have such an unusual name, but then I can’t help but think it’s supposed to mean something. Is it supposed to mean something?

Bitch, you wrote it. You tell me!

Oh. Well, I guess…

Ha! Old Char’s just yanking your chain, Dishwater.

Dishwater? Oh for my blonde hair. Like you mean like you call Mina “Lily”…

Chuh. My girl Lily’s pure platinum and porcelain. And you? Just look at that shee-it you got goin’ on. Listen baby, you can paint yellow stripes into your hair much as you want. Ain’t gonna make you a blonde.

3. Uh. Okay. So let’s move on then, shall we? So…uh…what are some of your hobbies?

I enjoy knitting, crocheting, and baking.

Can you be serious?

(Laughs.) Can you imagine ol’ Char sittin’ around crocheting potholders? (Laughs again. Keeps laughing. Still laughing. Coughing. Choke… Choke…)

Are you okay?

(Gasping. Tearing. Waving a hand in front of her face.) You got something to drink?

This is my imagination. I guess I could get you anything you want.

You got Couvoisier?

Oh, you want booze. Well can it wait until we’re done here? I’ll join you!

Fine. (Muttering) Uppity bitch.

What was that?

What was the question again?

Hobbies?

Yeah. I like screwing masseuses.

4. Come on. Did you really give it up for Paolo at the Pearls of Wisdom Dental Spa?

Char don’t kiss and tell. That’s between me and him. Hey, why don’t you make this more interesting and conjure his fine Portuguese ass over here?

Because this is about YOU!

Fair enough.

5. Let’s change the subject. Like you said in your first answer, you are kind of a crucial character in the story.

The most crucial…

Pretty crucial. And you give Mina lots of great advice. Is there a Char-a’tee mantra? Words my readers can take away with them to make a better life?

Tell your readers to buy my book.

You have a book?

Not yet. But I’m planning one.

Do you need help writing it? Because you know, I am also a ghostwriter. You can check out my client list on my website. http://www.francinelasala.com —

Is that all you know how to do, Dishwater? Shameless self-promoting?

I’m pretty good with dialog…

Chuh. Whatever you say.

BONUS QUESTION: We’re heading out for a night of drinking–me and you. Where are we going? What are we drinking? And how does the night end?

Dishwater, you really think you can last a night out with Char?

Hey, I haven’t always been a suburban mom, you know.

You drive a Volvo station wagon.

I have a past!

I bet you think you do, sweet thing. Okay, okay. I’ll humor you. Here’s what we’d do. We’d head to a nightclub and do tequila shots all night and dirty dance with hot, half-naked men.

But I’m married!

You really have no imagination, do you?

I guess not.

Well at the very least try and conjure up that Couvosier you promised and let’s get our drink on.

Thanks, Char. Please visit us again! And visit Char-a’tee any time you want when you read the book!