Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday : Transformers

By Parentalparody @parental_parody

FFS!? Friday : Transformers

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"Transformers, robots in disguise.
Transformers, more than meets the eye" Yes, yes they are. They appear, to the untrained eye, to be a kids toy suitable from 4 years. When, in actual fact, they are sadistic torture devices intended to stump and irritate parents on a global scale. Optimus Prime, I've seen the cartoon.  I know you're supposed to be both robot and truck.  I mean, you are the head of the Transformers.  So why no TRANSFORM?  FFS!? I can get you to a hybrid 'trobot' at best.  FFS!? If that bloody head pops out of the roof (I'm assuming it's the roof - on my first few attempts it was more the boot) of the truck one more time, I may rip it off and stick it in the blender.  FFS!? Why no instructions? You know, for the intended 4 years and up (way, way up) who may possibly need them.  FFS!? I have spent a ridiculous number of hours attempting to TRANSFORM the TRANSFORMER.  FFS!? Either I am stupid have a faulty toy, or the bastard thing is double jointed, a superior genetically modified Transformer.  FFS!? And Mstr5 won't let it go.  I've offered up Lego Chima and Skylanders with the pride of an architect having just created the next Eiffel Tower....only to be shot down in flames because bloody Optimus Prime's arm is pointing the wrong way, and his wheels are out of alignment.  FFS!? This is my first foray into the world of Transformers. Mstr5 received it for his birthday last week.  FFS!? At the post Christmas sales I also purchased him a 5 pack for next Christmas.  FFS!? Five times the swearing, tantrums and time wasting to look forward to.  FFS!? I'm nothing if not early and committed to a theme.  FFS!? While attempting to split the atom / transform the Transformer, I started saying "Motherfu..." so many times, catching myself before fully committing to the 'shed word' at the end, that Mstr5 now thinks Optimus Prime has a mother, and he wants that Transformer too.  FFS!? I am considering jumping ship to the Decepticons.  I hear they are far easier to manipulate.

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