So Miss7 lost another tooth.
It’s been wobbly for weeks.
I swear I threw up a little in my mouth each time she did that grotesque thing kids do where they push the tooth out an angle with their tongue. FFS!?
So you’d think I’d be glad that bloody tooth finally fell out, right?
And I would be, if it wasn’t for the tooth fairy, FFS!?
Miss7 wrapped her tooth in a tissue and put it under her pillow. I suggested she put in on her bedside table to make it super easy for the Tooth Fairy to find, but she said no, it has to go under her pillow.
Which only meant I was going to have to be extra stealth later that night when swapping tooth for coin.
Which only meant no more wine for me, as co-ordination is never my friend, even at the best and most sober of times. FFS!?
Of course this happened on the weekend, which meant Miss7 is allowed to stay up a bit later when there’s no school the next day.
Of course I was super extra inexplicably tired and falling asleep by 7pm.
I swear I got whiplash every time I nodded off and woke myself up. FFS!?
I tried to bribe Miss7 into bed.
I begged, I pleaded, I threatened, I bargained.
At one point we were locked in tense, United Nations worthy negotiations, which resulted in her agreeing to go to bed if I let her get a crazy crab. FFS!?
A parent is never so tired as when they have to stay awake. FFS!?
It was sheer torture for me, while Miss7 gleefully watched the Disney channel, full of energy and no sign of fatigue. FFS!?
I was rocking back and forth, chanting in my head “don’t fall asleep, don’t fall asleep, don’t fall asleep…” FFS!?
Finally, she let out a yawn and I leapt up and declared bed time.
Then I had to stay awake for HOURS to ensure I didn’t wake her and burst her childhood bubble where the Tooth Fairy is concerned, thus sending her into a downward spiral of suspicion and conspiracy theories and questioning the foundations of her entire childhood – Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny. FFS!?
Anyway I’m going to implement a new rule – the Tooth Fairy doesn’t do night shift anymore. He’s joined the union and got a new workplace agreement that stipulates he only has to work a standard weekday roster.
Teeth to be left under pillows before school.
Because that way the Tooth Fairy will definitely be awake and sober to fulfill his duties. No FFS!?
Image Credit
Now I'm off to pull my own teeth out so that Mummy's Tooth Fairy will come visit
