Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday : The Neighbourly Edition

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
Linking up with WOA DearBabyG for my weekly whine.
Speaking of DearBabyG.  I'm actually thinking of moving in with her and HB in order to escape my neighbor. FFS.
As previously blogged, my single dude neighbor over the back fence is super quiet. You'd never know if he was home or not. Except when he's entertaining after midnight. FFS.

And I'm not talking a rave party with doof-doof music reverberating through my windows or the sound of raucous laughter. While he's done away with his B Grade Porno wannabe lady of the night, he seems to have taken up other pursuits in order to burn off his excess energy between the hours of midnight and 3am. FFS.

FFS!? Friday : The neighbourly edition

It's about time to call in the military

Twice this week I've woken up in the middle of the night to the sound of thumping.
It sounds like he's jumping on a squeaky little mini-trampoline like they have at the gym. Or so I believe.  It's been years since I saw the inside of a gym, lest I burn up as I pass the threshold.
It's coming from his place.  Right next to his ground floor window that is below our bedroom.  It seems to echo crazy loud between his small courtyard and ours which back onto each other. FFS.
I'm fairly sure he isn't entertaining a slightly quieter possibly more athletic lady of the night, as there is only one bounce (no double bouncing there, yo), and he only lasts around 25 minutes.  So, long enough to completely wake me up from a deep sleep. FFS.
Of course I have no idea why he'd be enthusiastically jumping on a squeaky old trampoline at that hour, which only kept me awake both nights, well after he'd finished his 'exercise', as I ran through the various scenarios in my head. FFS:
  • He's hopped up on steroids and can't get to sleep unless he burns off the energy.

  • He's hopped up on ecstasy and can't get to sleep unless he burns off the energy.

  • He's a deranged psychopath who's taking his aggression out on the poor defenseless, squeaky little trampoline instead of the mailman.

  • He's doing it deliberately to get me back for the regular early morning wake up calls via shouts of BULLSHIT! courtesy of Miss3.

  • He's running a Meth Lab, and in order to fool the authorities who would notice a spike in his electricity usage, he's using the static electricity generated by his hard core mini-trampolining to run his pill press.

All of these options are completely viable in my humble opinion. FFS.
FFS!? Friday : The neighbourly edition

It keeps me awake at night waiting to hear it again, while considering if I have the skill to hoist myself over the fence in a stealth-like manner (no fucking chance), to try and peek through his window and see exactly what is going on. FFS.
I know, I know, and I'm the neighbor with cause for concern..ahem. WTF IS HE DOING!?  AND WHY IS HE DOING IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?! FFS.
It's driving me fucking crazy trying to work it out, not to mention screwing with my beauty sleep. FFS. I want to know, but I don't.  I just know the explanation would be a totally anticlimactic disappointment, nowhere near as good as what I've conjured up in my over-active imagination. FFS.
FFS!? Friday : The neighbourly edition

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