Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday: Somebody Call the Wahmbulance

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
A quick side note - the winner of the Sammy Sea Patrol Giveaway is Trish Beatty.  May your water usage always be of a safe nature, Trish. No FFS!?
But enough of that positive shiz.  On to the Whiney McWhinerson business that is FFS!? Friday.
FFS!? Friday: Somebody call the Wahmbulance
My finger tips have been peeling as a side effect of all the medication I was on in hospital.  It is utterly disgusting, and totally ruining the look of my impressive nails - nails that have never grown in the past, but are currently all a decent length. FFS!? The kids got gastro last week. FFS!?
My kids have never ever had gastro.  None of them were ever vomiters as kids. No FFS!? But the one single night I was alone because #1Hubby was away for work and #1Nana had to go home - that's when they started with the synchronised vomiting. FFS!? I was all OMG I'm totally getting this, on account of still recovering from being all septic like.  But 2 days later the kids were fine (in time for #1Hubby's return home....typical. FFS!?), and I hadn't caught it.
That's when I got all braggy-pants about how I must be back to full health since I didn't get gastro. And that's when I got killer gastro. FFS!? For the entire weekend. FFS!?
I've never spent so long with my butt cheeks so firmly clenched together out of fear. FFS!?
FFS!? Friday: Somebody call the Wahmbulance
As a result of having lost over 40kg over the past 3 years, plus 6kg - 7kg in a week in hospital, and then the weekend's involuntary detox-by-gastro, said butt cheeks now resemble a pair of semi-deflated saggy balloons.  It's quite horrifying. FFS!? 
FFS!? Friday: Somebody call the Wahmbulance
Then I got a paper cut yesterday and it was all too much for me.  I whined for Australia about the stinging pain.  I was, essentially, exactly like a male claiming pneumonia the second they get a slight cough. FFS!?
Four people this week have commented on how I'm looking much better.  How - and I quote all of them - "You have a lot of your colour back now.  You don't look dead like you did last week."  I think that's a compliment, right? FFS!? For the record, I thought my 4 layers of bronzer last week had done a bang up job of making me look human.  Clearly not.  What a waste of bronzer.  FFS!? My family have now ceased asking how I feel and being concerned for my health and wellbeing.  They are now straight up telling me to hurry up and get better so I don't ruin their/our family trip to Bali for Xmas.  I can just feel the love. FFS!?

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