Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday : School Supplies

By Parentalparody @parental_parody

FFS!? Friday : School supplies

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I'm all about being cheap thrifty and saving a dollar where possible.  No FFS!? So when the school supplies list comes out at the end of the school year, I do not whack my credit card number on that bad boy and forget about it until all is delivered in one neat package in the new year. Because I know that I can get each of the five required packs of coloured pencils at least 40 cents cheaper from Kmart.  No FFS!? Or recycle some of Miss8's from the previous year that haven't been chewed and/or sharpened to within an inch of their lives.  No FFS!? The dozens of plastic display folders for more than a dollar each?  As if!  I'll go to the office supplies warehouse and score them for half that.  No FFS!? Glue sticks - why so many?  And why would I buy the most expensive brand from the list, when I can buy a cheaper alternative at half the price?  My kid is likely going to consume at least half of it, and attempt to stick their body parts together with most of the rest (which probably explains why so many).  Call me crazy, but I don't think I should pay a premium for that.  No FFS!? Why so specific on the exact style / volume of an exercise book that will be used to practice drawing stick people?  FFS!? Why are library bags so bloody expensive?  FFS!? Why connecting markers that are double the price of less sociable and affectionate markers that don't connect?  FFS!? The lists go on and on, as does my need to question and source all of the things cheaper. It's the thrill of the shopping chase.  No FFS!? It totally sounds like I have my shit together on the school supplies front, yes? Wrong. Exhibit A
FFS!? Friday : School supplies

$89.31 to fill up ye olde Holden station wagon, required to drive me all across the state in order to source the $2.50 crayons for $1.99.  FFS!? And to the school supplies provider for the items that I can't source elsewhere, like textbooks and wanky specialised folders and pencils that will be lost and/or trashed within weeks.  FFS!? And back to said supplier 4 times to pick up the back-ordered items as they dribble in over a period of 4 weeks.  FFS!? All while The Feral Threesome are delightfully quiet and compliant, following me around various shopping centres and office supplies warehouses in the middle of summer.  NOT.  FFS!? Also, library bags are expensive because they are made from material, and apparently that shit is up there with the price of gold and crude oil.  FFS!? I know this for a fact, as I decided to make my own.  Personalised, with the Twin Tornado's names (thank the vodka gods I named them LIV and JOEL which are slightly less painful to cut and stitch than ASHALEEAH-BREEANNAH and the like).  No FFS!?
Which accounted for another whole week of my time.  FFS!?
Next time, I am going to buy the very reasonably priced and convenient School Supplier library bags and use one of the only slightly over-priced School Supplier markers to hand write their names on the insides.  FFS!?
For my 4 weeks of scouring the shops, I saved $28.80 on the School Supplier total.   It would've been well over $60, if not for the cost of making the bastard library bags.  FFS!?
I also got a flat during the course of driving around the known universe to save 15 cents on a lead pencil, thus reducing my savings to -$6.20  FFS!?
My savvy, money saving cost me money.  Mofo FFS!? This time next year I will be clinging to a swim up pool bar with an inadequate personal floatation device wedged around my middle, while the School Supplier sources The Feral Threesome's supplies and I save money by not going all DIY.  Enough money for a cheap Bali cocktail.  No FFS!?

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