Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday : School's Back

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
Please note:  There will be no Valentine's themed post because I have been loved up / shacked up with #1Hubby for a grand total of almost 18 years.  Our version of romance is him letting me control the TV remote and staying in the room with the iPad to sit next to me while I watch the Real Housewives of the world.  Togetherness, yo.

FFS!? Friday : School's back

I had been hoping to have started work on a couple of dents on this bad boy by now.
One in the shape of my head, the other my backside.

School is finally back in session after the painfully long summer break.  No FFS!? It's the first year that all members of The Feral Threesome are full time.  No FFS!? I had grand plans of becoming a lady who lunches.  No FFS!? Maybe not every day, unless you count Subway consumed on the lounge in all my elastic waisted pants glory.  (Still, even that is a No FFS!?). I envisioned days spent swanning around the shops, stopping for a flat white somewhere delightfully peaceful and not remotely child-friendly.  No FFS!? I even went so far as to imagine myself spending whole days going through one room of the house a day, cleaning it out from top to bottom and organising everything.  No FFS!?  /  FFS!? So we are now 2 weeks in to the new, child-free school year. I spent most of the first 2 days at school.  FFS!? Last week I spent an entire day emptying the pool....by hand and bucket.  FFS!? I have entertained, but not how I had imagined.  I have welcomed and coffee'd up a plumber, an electrician and a TV guy all on consecutive days.  FFS!? And paid heftily for the privilege.  FFS!? I've made a couple of mad dashes to the shops.  If you count Medicare and groceries.  FFS!? Oh and the bank.  Where I sat and waited over 40 minutes in order to open the kids' school bank accounts.  FFS!? I have had three days at home.  Just three. Two of those #1Hubby was working from home.  FFS!? ONCE I have been for coffee with my best friends.  And because they still have kids at home (suck it), we went to the exact same spot we used to visit every Wednesday last year, which has a massive indoor kiddy play area.  Full of kids.  And kiddy noise.  And suspicious sticky patches over all of the things.  FFS!? My greatest achievement over the past 2 weeks of child-free days has been finally getting around to making kale chips for the first time, before the kale wilts and shrivels and is tossed.  No FFS!?  /  FFS!?
So bloody awful.  And believe me, I felt truly wanky writing about it.FFS!? Am equal parts devastated and disgusted that I've not been given a legitimate opportunity/excuse to indulge in a wet lunch.  FFS!? Likewise, that I have not sat on the lounge and flicked the TV on. Not. One. Single. Time.  FFS!? In fact, I would go so far as to declare myself busier and far more exhausted than when the kids were at home.  FFS!? Child-free stay at home mother - you're doing it wrong.  FFS!?

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog