Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday : Road Tripping

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
I can't possibly write a blog post today, because I'm too busy solo-parenting. FFS!? I took The Feral Threesome on a road trip to the #1Grandparents' house on Wednesday for a sort of extra-long, long weekend. That is a solid 2 1/2 days of solo-parenting. FFS!? #1Hubby arrives some time late this afternoon, after work. At which point I'll be able to whine, pout, throw my hands in the air (like I just don't care) and hand over the bulk of the parenting. No FFS. He will arrive late.  Claiming traffic and work and other such shit. FFS!? But until such time, I am far too busy to write a blog post. I'm consumed by such parenting gems as: Miss4:  "Mummy!  Guess what? I've done 4 poos today!" Me:       "Wow. 4!?  Wait...I thought it was 3?" Miss4: "Hahahahahaha....you can't find it!" Oh. Dear. Vodka. Gods. FFS!? Mstr4: "Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Aaargh! Mummy!" Me:     "What!? What!? What?!?!?!" Mstr4: "The wind** is trying to get me Mummy!  Make it stop! MAKE IT STOPPPPP!!" Me:     "Oh FFS!?" **The #1Grandparents live in a coastal town north of Perth called Lancelin.  It is famous for its windy conditions, and is one of the windiest coastal towns on the planet.  So windy, in fact, that it hosts the world's biggest windsurfing competition each year.  In January.  This month.  The one we're currently experiencing. But I'll go turn the wind off so that it doesn't send Mstr4 into yet another girly man tantrum. FFS!? Miss7: "Hey Mummy, you know what?" Me:     "What love?" Miss7: "Nah, don't worry...you won't know" Me:     "Beg pardon? What? Tell me?" Miss7: "No it's ok. You won't know..." Me:     "But you're only SEVEN.  To you, I should still know EVERYTHING!?" FFS!? But, anyway, I can't possibly blog until #1Hubby arrives, and we do that little dance... #1Hubby: "OMG, I had the worst day.  I was sooo busy.  I had sooo much to do.  It was crazy" Me:          "Oh you poor love...had a busy day?" #1Hubby: "You have no idea. I'm exhausted" Me:          "So you had a crazy busy day at your nice quiet desk, in your nice quiet office, with your nice cafe-quality                 espresso machine, surrounded by independently-functioning adults?..."
#1Hubby: "Ahhh....here we go" Me:          "HAVE YOU MET YOUR CHILDREN!?!?!?" FFS!? Children who are all awesomeness incarnate, obviously. They just also know when we're a man down, and their killer instincts kick in when they know I'm completely out-numbered.  FFS!? So anyway I can't blog right now, but I'll be back in a few days when the vodka kicks in, the trauma fades, and the sleep deprivation is rectified.

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