Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday: No Longer #1 in Hubby's Heart

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
Today I'm getting equal parts ranty and whiny about whitegoods. Whitegoods and #1Hubby. Whitegoods and #1Hubby and my place in his heart. During the week, #1Hubby went out and purchased a new ironing board cover. I don't iron, ever.  So he alerted me to his purchase by making out with said ironing board. FFS. Clearly the end of the Olympics has caused some sort of mental breakdown in his sports-addicted self. FFS. Not only did he buy a new ironing board cover, he get it from one of the most expensive stores in all the land. FFS. Clearly the man has no shopping sense. FFS.

FFS!? Friday: No longer #1 in Hubby's heart

#1Hubby appears to be dry-humping his beloved ironing board. Coincidence? I think not. FFS.

He paid the equivalent of three 4 liter casks a couple of bottles of impressive wine.  The kind you would gladly walk into a restaurant or dinner party brandishing the label of, hoping that others will notice. FFS. I have caught #1Hubby talking to the ironing board cover more than one. FFS. I'm talking sweet talking, whispering sweet nothings at it when he knows I'm around. FFS. I genuinely believe his emergency evacuation list of priorities has changed, and I am the loser. FFS.
#1Hubby's Emergency Evacuation Plan Pre-fancy pants ironing board cover: 1. TV 2. Mobile 3. Kids 4. Me 5. Carlton Football Club crap 6. Booze 7. Irreplaceable mementos, pictures, birth certificates etc.  #1Hubby's Emergency Evacuation Plan Post-fancy pants ironing board cover: 1. TV 2. Mobile 3. Kids 4. Ironing board cover 5. Me - assuming he can leave his ironing board for long enough to rush into the burning building and save me unconscious, singed self.  I will be found between the laptop and the coffee machine.  I will have succumbed to smoke inhalation while trying to decide between which of those devices to save first. FFS.
We need a new fridge.  I'm buying it, just to be safe. FFS.

FFS!? Friday: No longer #1 in Hubby's heart

Don't even bother trying to choose. I've already chosen a far superior 'household appliance' of my own to replace you.  Mine cooks gourmet meals while entertaining me with his witty repartee.

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