Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday : Location, Location

By Parentalparody @parental_parody

FFS!? Friday : Location, location

Could not find a relevant funny pic.  Found this and was all like YES.  TOTALLY.
So please enjoy this unrelated but also completely accurate funny instead.

It's nice being the favorite.  No FFS!? I get a kick out of hearing the kids discuss whose turn it is to sit next to me at dinner.  No FFS!? I don't mind having them rush past me to the car, leaving me to carry the epic weight of their school bags, as they jockey for pole position sitting behind/closest to me in the car.  No FFS!? It's like having your own fan club of groupies following you around, constantly voicing their endless love and adoration.  No FFS!? But I'm a bit over the arguing that always ensues.... At meal times Miss5:  It's my turn to sit next to Mummy. Miss8:  No it's not, you sat next to her 2 days ago. Mstr5:  But you can't sit opposite her because it's my turn. Mstr5:  Fine. I'm going to sit next to Mummy and you don't get to sit near her at all. Miss5:  Haha, I'm opposite Mummy. Miss8:  Muuuummm!  That's so unfair!  In the car Miss5: It's my turn to be opposite Mummy! (barges past everyone, rugby style). Mstr5:  Oh yeah, well I can see her in the (car's rear view) mirror. Miss5:  Awwww, Muuuuum, that's not fair. Miss8:  Actually, you're both behind Mummy and I'm opposite her (from the front). Twins: MUUUUUUMMMM WHY CAN'T WE SIT IN THE FRONT SEAT?  IT'S NOT FAAAAAIIIRR! In bed Mstr5:  I win, I win, hahahahaaha!  (having launched himself on my person from the bedroom door, without warning, completely winding me). Miss8:  Hey Mstr5, Daddy called you.  He's got a chocolate for you downstairs. Miss5:  Suckers!  (runs past Miss8, landing on my legs, as the naive Mstr5 rushes downstairs for alleged chocolate). Miss8:  Heyyyy!  Muuummmm!  That's my spot (before wedging herself on my chest because it's closer than my legs, apparently). Mstr5:  Muuummmmmmm.  Miss8 lied to me.  Daddy didn't call me (insert sad face, sniffling and the threat of crying and/or tantrum, before sitting right next to my head). Meanwhile, #1Hubby has ample personal space, and is peacefully kicked back watching TV downstairs, solo.  FFS!? I am like a piece of prime real estate.  FFS!? Phil Spencer could probably do a whole special episode on my value depending on location, situation and positioning.  FFS!?

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