Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday : It's All in the Planning

By Parentalparody @parental_parody

FFS!? Friday : It's all in the planning

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I like to think of myself as a planner.
In planning our family I considered but one single factor - ensuring I was not pregnant over the festive period.  Lest I have to forego our family tradition of Christmas Sangria or New Year's Eve boozing.
It worked perfectly with Miss7 who celebrates her birthday October 10th.  Which also, conveniently, falls during the school holidays, thus meaning I never have to mass produce cake pops or cup cakes with fancy toppers for her classmates.  Hell, I don't even have to hold a birthday party for 30 of her closest friends for the price of my left kidney on Ebay.
No FFS!? right there.
We were a little off with planning the Twin Tornado, and I suffered through the hottest summer on record and a full festive season while heavily pregnant, until their eventual arrival January 6th. 
I still have not forgiven them for that. FFS!?
Regardless, all 3 kids birthday's fall within a couple of months of Christmas.
A slight planning fail, making that whole time of year extra financially draining.  FFS!?
To help ease the financial pain and ensure I'm not sacrificing bubbly for Barbie dolls, I like to plan and purchase their birthday and Christmas giftage in advance at the annual June/July toy sales.
My usual gift planning tradition is to pick whaver is heavily reduced in the toy sale catalogues and just hope that The Feral Threesome will like it months later when their birthdays and Christmas eventually arrive.
If I remember what I bought all those months prior... I recently found a Wiggles music set that was intended for Miss7 on her 2nd birthday....FFS!?
If I remember where I hid all the presents... The other week I uncovered two massive Crayola and Playdoh tubs of assorted products.  How the hell can you possibly miss two massive tubs?  I bought them in 2006 and it's taken me SEVEN YEARS to find them again....FFS!?
If they haven't already found it mere days after I hid it... Last year I had an awesome electronic Dinosaur Train T-Rex for a then Mstr3, which his twin sister casually walked into the living room with 2 days after I'd bought and supposedly hidden it.....FFS!?
So this year I decided to pick a theme for each child.
I figured it would help reduce the fighting and bitch slapping over which toy belongs to which child and therefore who has the right to be licking it.  No FFS!? (if it works).
And so everything was bought and hidden last week, job done.  No FFS!?
Until I saw the trampolines and realised I could get them a group gift that will both save my sanity in the warmer months and promote physical activity....where's my mother of the year award for that?
We ditched their last trampoline months ago when it broke.  #1Hubby was against getting a new one because it takes up so much of our limited backyard area.
And I have to admit, having just had our patio re-done, our townhouse's limited courtyard space does look so nice and big and open without a trampoline.
But screw that, I am not having them inside all the time, making it difficult for me to hear/watch/study my role models, The Real Housewives of all the World, over their yelping.  FFS!?
So despite his whiney protests, I ordered a trampoline.
To placate him I ordered one that will fit right in the corner of our yard, hardly taking up any of the paved patio area. 
And I got a great package deal that includes a genius all-weather cover which converts it into a cubby house.  Hello year-round outdoors entertainment too!  No FFS!?
I am such a planning genius like that.
Of course we'll need to have a few palm trees removed in order to fit the trampoline in the corner.  No biggie.
Except it turns out that it is quite a biggie.
The kidney I've avoided selling on Ebay thanks to the kids having their birthdays in school holidays will now need to be sold to fund the removal of the palm trees.  FFS!?
At a cost THREE TIMES more than the bloody trampoline with all the fancy bells and whistles and extras.  FFS!?
#1Hubby is all kinds of gloaty 'I told you so', while quickly pointing out that the exorbitant cost of palm tree removal will be coming out of my festive wine fund and not his wanky beer fund.  FFS!?
What's the bet that The Feral Threesome will be all 'Oh...yay...another trampoline....we wanted a swing set..."  FFS!?

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