Where my Ho's at, yo?
The Feral Threesome commenced constant festive whiney begging and pleading for EVERYFREAKINGTHING around October. We’re talking 2 months of bleedy ears style whining for everything. Observe the most constantly whined for items:
- A BMW and snail pellets (Miss3)
- A brand new series of the long since finished and never to
be repeated Hannah Montana (Miss7)
Initially and stupidly, I attempted to reason with them: Explaining to Miss7 that I can’t just call Hannah Montana up and request she make a comeback season of her hit TV show just for her. FFS!? She is too busy planning a teen wedding to a hot Aussie actor, before he realises he’s become more famous than her and loses interest. Reasoning why toilet paper doesn’t actually count as a Christmas present, and tyres are expensive and useless a good 13 years before Mstr3's old enough to drive. FFS!? Clearly I’m the moron here, as loo paper would make for a very easy, cheap and useful Christmas gift. I’ve given up listing the reasons why Miss3 won’t be getting a BMW four wheel drive for Christmas. FFS!? Oh, or snail pellets, don't worry. Because it simply wouldn't fit in her stocking, and besides, Mummy’s more of a
Nothing says Christmas like a festive FFS!? Clearly someone had a bit too much time on their hands (No FFS!?) Why can’t my kids ask for something logical, affordable, attainable. Like Mermaid Dora. A talking Dinosaur Train dinosaur. Or a Total Girl DIY jewellery kit. You know, stuff I’ve had hidden in the wardrobe for months. FFS!? Gifts appropriate to their ages. FFS!? Gifts they bloody wanted months ago, and had whined and whined for. Until such time as I covertly purchased them and put them away for Christmas. At which point they stopped asking for them and instead started demanding car parts, toilet equipment and personalised TV series’. FFS!? I’m so tempted to change tactic next year and actually get them all the stupid shit they ask for. Especially the BMW Keep your eyes peeled for the next YouTube hit series, featuring yours truly as a slightly older and lumpier Hannah Montana, in the years after her singing career ended and it all turned to shit.
It's where street Santa hangs with his Ho's,
including the older and lumpier former child star Hannah Montana
