Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday : Car Crap and Crap Cars

By Parentalparody @parental_parody

FFS!? Friday  :  Car crap and crap cars

Image Credit
A literal crap car.  Multi-purpose engineering genius.

As mentioned in Monday's post, and whined about on Facebook, I had extensive car troubles last week.  FFS!?
Ye Olde Holden Commodore bogan wagon worked perfectly one minute, and literally 3 minutes later, it wouldn't unlock from the remote and it wouldn't start.  FFS!?
While #1Hubby and his car were away.  FFS!?
I was suddenly and unexpectedly without wheels.  Car free.  Sans automobile.  At the worst possible solo-parenting time.  FFS!?
I am not that mother who happily walks to and from school every morning and afternoon.  FFS!?
It was also the one single week that it's rained in recent months.  FFS!?
Timing is a bitch.
Much investigation took place between the completely unqualified and inexperienced.  #1Brother, #1Hubby via phone, and I discussed something we collectively know bugger all about.
Clearly it was an issue with my key remote, not the engine.  So I stupidly suggested disconnecting the battery and hoping that would reset the computers and immobiliser.
Cue much hysterical laughter and disgust from both #1Brother and #1Hubby who know soooo much more about cars because they have dangly bits between their legs.  FFS!?
So instead I found someone who could replace my key's 'head' immediately and far cheaper than the car dealer.  No FFS!?
I was taking care of shit.  I was all like "I am woman, hear me roar".....  No FFS!?
Only it still didn't work.  FFS!?
A mobile Auto Electrician was called out for the sum of $200.  FFS!?
This expert tradesman disconnected the battery to reset the computer and electronics and #1Hubby's spare key worked first time.  FFS!?
Collective sons of bitches to whom I am related refused to let me have my moment of I TOLD YOU SO!   FFS!?
The $200 call out fee was totally worth the glory.  No FFS!?
Until said tradesman pointed out that my new key would never work, because it was coded to the wrong year, wrong model car.  FFS!?
Which was absolutely 100% undeniably my doing.  FFS!?
Essentially, I had cost us an extra $200 and 3 car-less days.  FFS!?
I'm also now eternally indebted to #1Brother and he has first rights to any vital organs he may require in the future, on account of loaning me his car to do the school runs last week - for a grand total of approximately 12 minutes worth of driving time.  FFS!?
He was beside himself with worry that his beloved nieces and nephew would touch something or breathe on his upholstery.  Heaven forbid.
I was beside myself that they'd leave a grain of sand in the car or move too much and leave behind some trace DNA evidence.  FFS!?
#1Hubby thinks it all went fairly smoothly.  But he would say that, since he arrived home directly after it was fixed.  FFS!?

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