Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday : Canteen Karma

By Parentalparody @parental_parody



FFS!? Friday : Canteen karma

Image Credit


I did it.
I roused the canteen karma peeps with my gloaty posts about my canteen awesomeness.
Last week's canteen efforts consisted of:
1 potato peeler to the finger.  FFS!?
I am a bleeder.  FFS!?
There were jokes about my ruining the canteen's outstanding - nay - PERFECT injury-free record.  FFS!?
Determined not to also reset their "number of days LTI (Lost Time Injury) free" counter back to zero, I soldiered on.
Which resulted in 1 knuckle whacked so fiercely on the edge of the bench that the bandaids has to be bought out again.  FFS!?
Did I mention that I am a bleeder?  FFS!?
I spent a few minutes standing in front of the pristine, clean, shiny pie warmer looking for a potato on the bench in front of me.
It was the weirdest thing - I could see it in the pie warmer's shiny reflection, yet when I looked down to the actual bench top, it was nowhere to be found.
And I mean I really spent a literal few minutes trying to find this potato.
Yeah, turns out I was looking at the side reflection, of the side of the bench (as in right next to my hand, where the potato was touching my finger).  FFS!?
I AM SPECIAL.  FFS!?
I burnt the bottom of the soup veg while regaling my captive audience co-volunteers with witty tales of something so awesome I can't remember it now.  FFS!?
I was caught singing badly when I came out of the toilets by a group of disgusted 9-10 year old girls. FFS!?
There goes my uber cool image.  FFS!?
Shut up.
I cut open too many icy poles in anticipation of a post lunch rush.  FFS!?
I dropped a burrito.  FFS!?
A filled but unrolled burrito.  FFS!?
Meat side down.  FFS!?
Between the burnt soup veg, the bandaids, the dropped burrito and the wasted icy poles, I have surely lost more canteen profit than my previous legendary wafer thin tomato slicing earned.  FFS!?
To add insult to injury, I had to do the dishes far more than I would have liked, on account of there being extra volunteers to do the food prep, and me being in the wrong place (loitering near the sink) at the wrong time (consistently).  FFS!?
I did get to enjoy a Paddle Pop ice cream.  My first in years.  No FFS!?
Miss7 caught me mid-lick and so I had to buy her one to shut her up.  FFS!?
I CONVINCED THE CANTEEN POWERS THAT BE TO BUY A COFFEE MACHINE.  No FFS!?
My next request is a vodka slushie machine.  Fingers crossed.


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