Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday: Again with the Shit Talk and Other Random Whining

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
FFS!? Friday: Again with the shit talk and other random whining
So I had a Colonoscopy on Monday. FFS
My family has a history of bowel cancer, and so we all have to start having them.  This is just another way genetics has totally screwed me over, in addition to the omnipresent pot belly, double chins, mono-brow, and other such inherited traits. FFS.

It was nowhere near as traumatic as I'd expected it to be.  In fact, it was quite possibly the best uninterrupted couple of hours sleep I've had in 7 years.  All was fine, which means that now I have to wait another 5 years before my next blissful slumber. FFS. I painted my toenails in preparation for the nasty procedure.  I figured that I should give the medical peeps something nice to look at while they're poking around all up in mah shit (do I need to say it? Literally...heh). They told me to leave my holey, faded, crap socks on - so nobody saw my pedicured and painted digits, and instead they saw that I go out in public wearing one black and one gray sock, both seriously in need of funeralising. FFS.
I went to a friend's birthday party Saturday night.  Had a ball.  Had far too much bubbly.  So I spent Sunday severely hung over and jonesing for some fatty, greasy takeaway yumminess.  But I was fasting before my procedure, so I was limited to black tea and water. FFS.
Every other bastard in the house had Macca's. FFS.

FFS!? Friday: Again with the shit talk and other random whining

I would've sold my kids for this...

FFS!? Friday: Again with the shit talk and other random whining

But instead, I suffered through an epic hangover on just this

I am confident that I've already put back on the 1kg that I lost while fasting. And an extra one for good measure. FFS. In other news that has also given me the shits this week, heh.... School started back and so now I have to be dressed and somewhat presentable by 8am each day. FFS.
I have actually come to the realisation that school holidays and staying in PJ's all day, wondering if anyone has brushed (teeth, hair, either, both) is preferable to getting up early and packing lunches and fighting for a parking spot 5 days a week. This realisation came to me at the start of another school term, so I only have 9 weeks and 1 day until I can enjoy the slothful bliss of school holidays once again. FFS.
They have finished building next door to us, and a school teacher...wait for it...FROM MISS6'S SCHOOL has moved in. I just know the school staff room is filled with tales of my ranting and raving and frequent occasional swearing. FFS. I forgot to watch The Shire the past 2 weeks.  I LOVE me some crap reality TV.  I understand this show to be the ultimate in Aussie crap reality TV.  I am devestated to have missed the first 2 episodes, and attempted to console myself with Being Lara Bingle, but I've also been told that the girls on The Shire make Lara Bingle look like a Rhodes Scholar, so that just makes me feel even more disappointed and deprived, FFS. Clearly I need a digital recording device to replace my broken but still connected 1998 VCR, FFS. Anyway I'm off to buy socks....

FFS!? Friday: Again with the shit talk and other random whining

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